1 more week to my 1 week break. Break..bREAk..BREAK? When did I resort to counting down to record my term break? The only time I ever recalled doing so was during my 6-months IAP where I counted months, followed by weeks and finally days. Not actually a break though, in fact I am pretty sure it would be booked with proj meetings and stuffs. Hope to book more driving slots during this period and catch up with homework and stuffs.

Learning driving is in fact..a burden which I want to clear and be rid out of my mind soon. Each term would be tougher and busier with no qualms or doubts. I have already advanced book crash courses in year end. This is actually my very first time planning my weekly schedule that 'extrapolate' to months. Which means I am a poor time planner all the time being..oOps.

Class ended early on thursday and I had a proj discussion in like 2 hours time. One of them had to have lunch with his guy friend at Raffles..and it was then that I notice this particular friend of mine is really brilliant in networking and socialising. I am all by myself for 2 hours so I dragged another friend to have lunch with me. After lunch, he went to the carpark and drove his Peugeot Convertible home. I am stunned and perhaps a country bumpkin to create a big hoo-hah on such stuffs yeah?

I had shopping spree which turned out to be book spree I guess. Roaming around shelves of books..nothing else to do too.

Celebrated JX birthday on friday and it really had been a long time since I met her. Nice chatting up and again we went to kinokuniya to read books and stuffs.

After a long sleep, I still feel lethargic. Sometimes I do wonder whether constant input will gurantee constant output or even desirable output which is deemed possible. I guess the problem here is smart study just like street smart. I thought I am prepared for lesson only to be bombarded with questions or scenarios that I don't know. And I do realise I have short attention span and words that the prof or other students are saying just become a lullaby. There are many terminologies and world affairs that I do not know and my answers are unproductive. Some kind of general knowledge idiot huh? Before I fall victim to myself by self-blaming, I guess I should get use to this transition and start reading more newspapers.

How do you learn more? By being more thick-skinned and less egoistic? When people around you know the answer but you don't, just ask them even though you know they will realise you're asking dumb questions duh. Productive class participation by being less self-restricted and open minded. Accepting challeges as possible self-improvement. Often easier to say then to be done.

Are there anything else to do rather than just talking about group projects and assignments each day? Get some life man. Life = CCAs (not inculding club politics). I had a nice time on Friday eating snacks before CCA and listening to a talk on student exchange programmes to overseas. Osaka and Kyushu!? It's quite interesting to see how one emcee speaks in Jap and the other in English. And Sensai was way kewl~ and polite to give out the certificates. Had a nice walk at the Henderson Wave although my legs ached. If only life can be simpler and more enjoyable.

What am I doing at this hour of time? Well, saturday morning was a pleasant day to start with. I was snuggling inside my blankets and listening to the rain splattering on the windows. It has been such a long time since I really slept so long and without any stuffs bothering me. No school, datelines, phone call and sms to greet my day. When things get too busy sometimes, I tend to realise how a good rest, a nice meal or cuddling in my nice old bed could bring such joy and pleasure to life.

Projects are coming in chuckful loads and assignments are piling like nobody's business. I have been reading articles and journals with the help of my yellowed dictionary. So many things to remember and yet I feel that my brain's memory space is like preserving in how many gozill-ion prehistoric years. The brain working system seems to be creaking like some old rusty parts of an old watch and even reading or analysing texts seem taxing. I feel super lethargic or perhaps lazy??? these days.

Many people post me this question "You sure you can suvive?" And my answer is always in that partially yes/no kind. You either give up or carry on. It's like you're at a stage of life or path in which you keep falling and crawling back. Nothing to cling on except your own knees. Well, professors keep calling on me when I prayed hard that they not to. Been ridiculed as some of the class were giggling away at my nonsensical answer. It started fine until the prof post me another tough argumentative question. I was stunned and gibberish. But hmm..applauds myself ba, at least I manage to speak up. lol~

Friday started learning driving on the road. I didn't bring my PDL (can u believe it??) and the instuctor was so kind to drive me back home to collect it. I drove back to bukit batok and my feet were trembling. Why..because I was been forced to drive at a speed that I deemed as dangerous. But anyway, it was a fun fun experience. Then chill out at Dempsey Hill that night. Nice night spot though.

Misia is here in Singapore for her concert on 13th!! I am so excited but I have no tickets to watch her performace although the Jap Cultural Club offered me the tickets at a really discounted membership rate.

When a rubber band is being stretched, how much can it be stretched and when would it eventually snap? But the problem now is not about preventing it from snapping but more about stretching it more and at the same time ensuring it doesn't snap. There's this thing which I keep hearing from others, "It's not about trying to adapt but forcing yourself to adapt. You MUST adapt. The strongest will survive. That's the culture here." A survivor game, something you may ponder or question on. I was shagged by friday that I am slacking now.

Few weeks have past and I have yet to participate actively in class. I know I should listen and analyse how the rest ask questions and provide answers. But it has been weeks and if I don't make my first squeak, I will not catch up and my participation marks will dwindle to a terrible pitfall. Alright, I manage to participate on monday but it was a flop case..but at least I try to. Each time I listen to those jc ppl (not stereotyping, but it's a fact) or law student providing superb answer and intelligent questions and the prof praising them, I feel that I gotta squeak at least, but my mind just couldn't think and my tongue was tied.

Econs lesson is the CHUI one. No notes or tut, just plain discussion through out and reading discussion paper or journal. Prof assigned us grp mates and I landed myself with 3 guys. They were super enthu and serious can..they discussed like some economist/cabinet members/parliament talk. The topic was on GDP, threshold and ISEW. It's alr a dry and serious topic and the way they discussed..it was like a heated argument. Then there's an Indian guy who presented his analysis on the topic by drawing graphs. I was whoosh~ by his analysis..brilliant guy! Could you imagine how famished I was after that lesson, I exercised my brain cells like never before. Or perhaps my brain is rusty.

Lotsa self-reading, critical thinking and essays to write. I feel myself studying English now. I miss my Engineering equations, diagrams and mass balance. Just let me see PFD or P&ID and I would be so happy. Why am I choosing this and why am I here? aRRgh

The only highlight this week was the freshmen bash at zouk on thursday and the Jap Cultural Meeting on friday. The zouk thingy was not that fun, I just entertained myself with cranberry vodka..some people were boozing on dunno how many jugs of liquor and shots. It seems like a culture to drink exceSSively here. I left early as the mood wasn't right. Nihon-go, the only thing that interests me for now. Some seniors were friendly there though, at least I don't find myself entering another battlefield.

I should stop comparing by abilities with that of others. Competition spur me so. Suddenly I form my own encouraging words..some birds fly higher then the other birds. They soar in the sky while the rest are just beginning to flap their wings. But eventually all the birds will fly.

The start of week gives me the blue
A competitive environment that frightens me
Till I have the urge to visit the loo
I sit in class without a clue
Hands waving and popping up continuously
The passion of participation reflected in them
While I listen blankly
At the end of a day
I know oh damn..
I have to study smartly
Somehow effort will pay

Stress Tired Lost Depressed. I will not go on with a long complaint list of my current life. It's fairly understood among each and everyone of us. Four years..if I weigh the marginal benefit and cost of these years of life with that of another life I would rather prefer, years of bitterness will eventually reap the sweetest fruits. Something I hope of and tears of utmost joy if I can foresee success. May God be with me.

Met up with Jasper and some poly pals for his post birthday. Thank you for been there for me and sharing my burden. Even how tired I was that day, it was worth it. I watched Legally Blonde as suggested and knew what message you were trying to infer. FAITH.