In the end, my blog is still the best place to confide to. Without the judgments from people nor the worry of exposing my private life. I like to write because it pens my otherwise haphazard thoughts and provides as a medium to sort out my emotion. Yes, I can be too emotional sometimes. I care for how others will feel and react towards me. I want my friends and people around me to be happy and well, sometimes at the expense of myself. I am neither a sacrificial nor altruistic person. But I am soft-hearted and "emotionally weak". I am slowly learning to manage my emotions better, to be more aware of the emotions I am facing at each point of time and taking control of it. Not attaining perfect balance, but to learn to let go when the time is right.

I have been traveling for few purposes: Leisure, study and work. They are not frequent travels. But I realise through each travel, I learn a little more about myself and about my self-identity and self-aspirations. I really wish traveling will never stop because it brings me excitement and release the wild child in me. I have to admit that my parents are rather boring people. They are pessimistic in life and always worry about money. I do not blame them because we come from a less financially well-to-do family and I am appreciative that their efforts bear fruits. They worked hard for a better future for me and my sister, and we never travel together as a family before. Perhaps due to such situational factors, I was an awkward child. Then I read the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki. It serves as a motivational springboard for me. Poor dad was my parents and rich dad was the world. The world taught me lessons in life and release the happier side of me. I always believe mother nature is as forgiving as Buddha. No doubt we face some ugly sides of mother nature, but it is the magnitude of nature scenery that repeatedly attracted me. It brings me peace amongst living in a concrete jungle. 

Do not laugh..but my next motivation in life is to trek mountains. To be at the top of the world and marvel at the life beneath it. 

Recently, I am again facing some difficulties in life. (1) The prospect of my career through this job (2) Supporting my family  (3) Another failed relationship. 

Actually, (1) and (2) are linked. The reason why I want to progress further and earn more is partly a motivation for myself and to support my parents better. I am the only one left to support them and I just want my parents to lead a better life in their later years. To cover more for their health expenses in times of emergency because they are poorly covered by insurance. I just wish they could be more appreciative of my tiny efforts rather than jump into assumptions or unnecessary conclusion of my salary. With so much hours spend in office, of course I want to get the most out of it. But I do not see myself being value for my efforts and the possibility of a pay increase. Even if I ever progress, staying in the same department will still receive the nasty and demoralizing comments from those veterans in the company. I like my field, am a workaholic and have the utmost zest for knowledge, but this industry is not giving me the right opportunities to learn more. When I realise that I  dread or do not have the urge to work every day, it is a sure sign that I have to fix it. Should I leave this industry all together or stay on for the sake of money? My main concerns are being without income when I am jobless and to manage between going for job interviews even whist still working.

I yet faced another failed relationship. It did not end well and he is the first guy I ever met who cuts me from all contacts. I do not blame him because firstly, I was unsure how I will fit into his life; secondly, I do not like his egoistic character; and thirdly, we were sometimes friends yet lovers though out the long-distance relationship. The only dent that I ever need to heal was his "last" message to me and being pensive on what the hell is wrong with me. It is not the first time that I receive such harsh comments from my ex. It makes me more apprehensive yet ironically, stronger. I think in a relationship, nothing hurts more than a guy cheating on his girlfriend or not knowing that he actually makes his girlfriend cry or hurt. If he could not even attempt to provide the love and security in a relationship, then how about in a marriage? Maybe he is wrong or I am wrong. I do not want to doubt it further. If that makes him less painful, I shall let go. My new style with respect to life? To learn to protect and love myself. Cry but do not cry too much. Do not be too obstinate and cling on to something that is gone; because there is more to life than those tears that waste my youth. I am who I am. Respect it or else leave. 

白安的第一张专辑让我更了解她，这世界和我自己。"我们都必须学会在该放手的时候放手，该重新相信时重新相信。或许在蜕变过程中我 们会因为过去的伤口选择不再信任，但也许就因为自己的不信任，我们将错失那个 可能会带给你希望的「他」和自己。"

Easy come easy go. “你又何苦太苛求 爱必须久留？永恒是个旧念头享受胜过于泪流。管他天亮有没有 以后。” 真的，干吗管他的？