Sunday, June 3, 2012

I am learning how to breathe slowly. Recently, I have noticed how my breathing patterns change as my mood fluctuates. Been enjoying traveling experiences with friends over this month and I am falling in love with it. If I could add one best thing as my hobby/interest and it will be traveling. It is during traveling where my heart seems sedated and my breathing returns to normal.

There are many things that are caught up in my mind lately. Hiccups, mistakes, etc. In addition to these woes is the LDR which is taking a toll on me. Both of us are dominating creatures and he refuses to admit or bow lower unless he thinks it is his mistakes. Sometimes he unintentionally speaks harshly and hurts my pride or ego. As a Leo, I have to admit that I am quite prideful although I usually do not exposed it much and I act too independently such that he feels insecure. Being a little superstitious, my aunt told me bluntly that he is an imperfect match according to our Chinese horoscope, or what she calls a "power struggle of two hot-headed creatures". I do want to give up on this yet and he knows for sure that I will never be the "feminine or household woman" that he mistakenly saw in me through first impression, rather I am, to his displeasure, quite a fiery iron-fist woman (野蛮女人).

Unknowingly, in love relationship, the ride for me is bumpy. I never openly admitted to that previously, but I guess at this grand old age of mine it is nothing to be afraid of confessing. I miss the boats twice or maybe thrice and pick myself up each time it does not work. Unashamedly, I am also envious of the sweet relationships among my friends (some of them already engaged) and long for a day where I can make traveling plans with my love. Is these all hard fate or just a ordeal from above to make me stronger? With a positive mentality, I am sure I am able to deal with it. I just need the courage.



Battle hymns of the dragon lady?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Is been quite some time since I visited blogger and realized that the layout has changed a fair bit. Just returned from my 1 week Bali trip and it is indeed a land of paradise. It was such a sunny island and the artifacts and architecture of the landmarks are so ancient and magnificent. People who have watched the movie Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts will have agreed on the traditional feel and beautiful scenery around Bali, especially the sea and beaches! 

It was great companionship with all my friends and I felt myself rejuvenated amongst the nature. Seeing, feeling, smelling and even hearing nature! While most of my friends are mainly shopping types, I am more of an adventurous and sightseeing type. I can spend hours snapping photos, admiring the fine stone sculptures and getting my hands dirty. Although the Balinese are not the most friendly people, I have to agree that they are seriously good in arts and food. While I sat on the car buzzing along the streets, I witnessed stretches of Hindu and Buddhist deities stone and lave sculptures in shades of white, grey and black. I learn some interesting facts of the culture, demographics and basic etiquette of Bali from our local driver/guide. For example, most people in Bali are Hinduism, there are no buses or trains in Bali so locals usually travel by motorbikes, scooters, cars or bicycles, do not enter temple if you are menstruating or have bleeding wounds, and do not step on the canang sari (morning offerings that include palm leaf, flowers, herbs and incense stick to the gods) as it offensive to the locals.

The most exhilarating or perhaps near-death experience was the water sports activity in Nusa Dua Beach, near Kuta Bali. I had my monthly you-know-what (heavy flow) and was not in my best shape that day. Yet, the beautiful beach was beckoning me to stop hesitating and join in the fun for all activities, including para-sailing, jet ski, donut, banana boat and fly fish. First, it was the jet-ski. Initially, I was little apprehensive about the speed of the motor jet and my driver was a mad fellow who made sharp turns. But I grew to love the excitement and told him to drive at full speed and make more turns and bends. Turns out that he fell from the jet and I was the wettest among my friends. Next, was the banana boat. The driver, perhaps assuming I am a thrill-seeker, made the biggest/craziest blow to our boat by jumping and flipping it over. We sank really deep into the sea. I almost drowned as my life vest was little faulty and the waves were huge, but the driver managed to pull me up the boat. It is no joke and I have to thank Amitabha for hearing my prayers and saving me since all of my friends also had quite a mouthful of salty sea water. My Bali tour agency friend told me that the best beach with clearest/turquoise water to visit, be romantic and scuba-dive is the Padang Padang beach. Bali has one of the biggest and nicest waves suitable for surfing.

While trekking up Mount Bedugul to visit Gitgit waterfall, located at 300 meters above sea level, everyone had rough encounters with chest tightness (probably due to high altitude) and mozzies bite. Being a little adventurous, I attempted to climb over the slippery rocks and soaked my tired feet into the rapids. Unbeknownst to me, the sole of my slippers had already wore out and I slipped twice. The scariest thing was the leeches lingering in the still water that wanted to feed on my blood.

When I returned back home, it was a cruel shock of reality. Faced with the transition stage of seeking a stable career and supporting my family, I had few arguments with my dad over money issues. It was a scene of intimate strangers. Kind of a contradictory term but we were not talking to each other for few days despite living under the same roof. It was also the first time in which I was greatly disappointed with them. But reflecting on it and after talking to my godsis, it is just my insecurity and stress over this transition stage of unknown outcome. 




Sunday, April 15, 2012

Things are not going smoothly these days and I feel myself being entrapped in a never-ending maze. No matter how hard I have tried or thought I have tried, the outcomes are just disappointing.

I wish he or they could have understand more, but it seems that it does not matter now. It is sometimes just too daunting clarifying or explaining yourself while the other parties are just clueless or in doubts. The worst is when you burst into a fitful anger and only later realize that you are the greatest sufferer of your own negative mood.

I guess everyone has their own definitions of "dreadful" experience, but there are basically two clear options. Sit at one corner and continue moaning or pick yourself up (no matter how bad in shape you are) and adapt or change. Because the ultimate controller of my life is none other than myself.

Not sure whether you are aware of Charlie Chaplin's instrumental soundtrack for the 1936 movie - Modern Times, which was later rewrote with lyrics for the song title "Smile". Smile was then later used as a tribute song to Michael Jackson. The song strikes a chord with me in terms of similar sentiments towards life and gives me motivation to smile even when I am so tired. "Smile even though your heart is aching. If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you will see the sun come shining through. Light up your face with gladness..you will find that life is worthwhile."

I miss HK so much and have the urge to return to my school campus where I am greeted with the nature every morning and the cooling breeze at night. If people say nature is the best medicine for healing purposes, I will definitely agree.

Although it was just a mere few months of residing at the dormitory of New Asia college, this video brings back much fond memories.




" 暮春三月,是花開的季節,是離別的季節。每年到了這些天,同學披上畢業袍、拋起四方帽,一面迎向未知的未來,卻又難忘在此間度過的幾個寒暑,難捨那曾經以為不老的青春。

成長總有起伏,離別何必感傷,這麼美好的校園,如此美好的時光,在花開花落之間,在各奔前程以前,讓我們珍惜還能一起切磋思想,砥礪人生的機會,多聽幾場精采的演講,讓我 們為中大,唸一首詩,寫一幅字,拍一張照片,紀念這段青蔥歲月。"


只缘身在此山中
有时我梦见校园
那些思想的盛宴
那些载满回忆的角落
那些穿梭山上山下的岁月
奔向未来之前
珍重、珍惜
美好的时光


Because I myself am in the mountains
Sometimes I dream of the campus
Those "feast" of ideas
Those campus corners that are loaded with memories
Those years of shuttling up and down the mountains
Before embarking on my future
Treasure and cherish..
Good times here

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A hectic recess week has just gone by. Wait a minute..did I call it a recess week? I think I have been traveling to school almost every day and the only benefit I ever get is that I get to sleep slightly later than my usual morning class. I thought I could catch a few movies or so, but it turns out that I only manage to watch one. Oh well, better than none.

What has society turned us to? A bunch of cold blooded animals? Caring for our own turfs as part of the survivor's game. It is sad to see such sights and plights. Some friends posted this quote on fb, "Those who are heartless once cared too much." On the surface, it may seem almost agreeable that people get hurt in the process when the other party does not reciprocate. But is that what we really want? To act on reciprocity as part of the capitalistic society? Should we stop caring when the other party does not receive it too well..or should we be compassionate and understand that everyone also wants be happier than where they are now? Perhaps a line can be drawn between when a person should selflessly help or care someone and when to be aware that you are not being used or treated as a fool.

Money can buy us happiness. Money is not the root to all evil. But we need to understand that money will never be sufficient or a measurable to happiness if we are constantly unsatisfied with where we are now. How I yearn for a day where I can just simply go on backpack trips and discover the real purpose of life without the "mind pollution" that I faced. But on a more realistic goal, to learn from the wise or Venerable ones.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

It is the end of the first week of school. Many more readings to catch up on as compare to other semester as I am taking up the more intensive thinking courses. Other than that, using some of my free time searching for jobs through my school portal and looking up for career talks session. Feel so much like procrastinating but the gloomy economic outlook does not signal anything positive either.

Is finding someone who has a sincere heart that makes you feel secure that difficult? While you are the over-achieving one who has many aspiring plans in life and at overseas, I just want someone who leads a simple and less over-complicated life.

My friend posted this MV quite some ago on FB and I really think it is a well created MV that connects well with the song and lyrics. Liang Wen Yin's I am not that courageous as you think. 梁文音 (我不是你想像那么勇敢). Click to watch.


In a life's journey, we will sometimes lose part of ourselves or an object along the way. If I had lost courage and strong will in life, can I find it at the Lost and Found information counter?

听了田馥甄所唱的歌,心里有好多感触。过了那么多年,我最终还是真心真意要你过得幸福。所有错误从我这里落幕,而我会把与你度过的每一片美好回忆永恒惦记在心里。谢谢你让我感受到被爱的甜蜜滋味,谢谢你爱过了我。


Watched this animated dvd movie that comes free from a magazine subscription. It brings me closer to Buddha and his life story. An inspiring story of one of the greatest teachers in history which is filled with compassion and wisdom. The Buddha, directed by Krismant Wattananarong.