Holidays are good so far and how I really wish it could be longer. When you are working, there are no such things as a long vacation unless you take annual leave. Even as a student, although I adore long vacations but never have I dreaded that school reopens. But now, somehow I do not love school as much as before because I know it would be another long and tiresome battle of willpower and intelligence. If only there is such thing as home schooling for tertiary level. Or if my parents were super influential and rich tycoons, I would be buying all the exercises and tests answers for each semester LOL~

Life..what is life. Life is supposed to be LIFE and lively, just like the splendid life of mother nature, the beautiful trees, green leaves etc. But where is life here in this island? Neither do we enjoy the 4 seasons of nature nor we have the colours of nature scene. Except for the neat rows of trees or shrubs along road dividers.

Rather than whine that school is gonna be horrifying I better have start rectifying past mistakes and reading up soon. Anyway, I had a nice time on sat. I felt so light and easy..so at ease and at home. Had a few drinks at Harry's @ Dempsey Hill although some of them said their 'high-meter' were at negative. It was all quiet there as people are crowding their butts at the Zoukout event that night. Perhaps I will have the fate to visit stjames when it plays trance+euro house music. Was on my way home when I was some sort persuaded to go Indochine. In the end, headed down there to chill out and had frog leg porridge supper in the absoulte wee hours. Unhealthy lifestyle to be exact but it is somehow enjoyable once in a while.

I randomly look through some facebook profiles of my classmates from stress management university and felt so out of place as if I don't belong to their culture. Their culture of drinking, partying, having active social lives with so many friends crowding around them and the countless sports and investment CCAs that they join. They are happy, they have the strong friends network, the ability to cope and the courage to speak up boldly in class. And me, I am like wheezing from the workload and even with one CCA but I still don't have the time to attend regularly.

What am I doing when they are partying and drinking at the artsbash @ Zouk? I am resting at home just after my last paper. I don't even have the energy to party till crazy right after my last paper. I will be pushing myself beyond my normal limits and finally collapsing in dire exhaustion after the finishing rounds. Since the hols starts one week ago, I somehow develop this desire that this holiday would continue for 2 months. At least I feel at peace now, away from the seminar rooms and dreadful concourse. I want to enjoy life and studies just like everyone of them but I am not the mould of theirs. Sad to say I am an introvert and it is hard to convert to an extrovert partying animal. It takes time and a change in my character "genes".

Tell you what peeps, I am sick of those English hip hop, rap or even RnB. It is too westernized here and I have resorted to a liking for canto and chinese songs instead. Trance is my dear which I never detest. Of cuz it is called trance cuz you go into a trance and high feeling with the reptitive beats and electric music. I am getting weird these days cuz some things happened to dear ones around me. I am feeling bad cuz I couldn't imagine life without them. Anyway, I am still blessed with great parents of mine. How much more fortunate could anyone yearn for. I just want to play, have fun and to live a simplistic life.

Tests are all over which is a huge sign of relief. But the terror part of receiving the outcome of tests is terrifying. Previously, I know that even if I don't do well the outcome wouldn't be so bad. But now is all a different story. It is an extreme case and the effect of demoralization is 10 times worse. It is here where the catch-up effect theory doesn't work and my system is ever facing diminishing returns. What I need is a system that produces increasing returns. I hate the feeling of entering another battlefield after this break but I know I must repeat this viscious cycle for 7 more times. Things never come that easy too.

Anyway, my desktop crashes and all my hamster pictures are gone. I tried to save my dying compt for one whole day but only managed to recover some files. Fancy it crashing after all my tests..which is obviously a good thing. What is the worst nightmare..for me it is when your compt died at the 'unglamarous' moment.

Recently, I had many strange dreams and encounters and are all to do with men. Ok, I am not been lecherous or unfaithful here but it just came. First, was the dream of you marrying bro and I was the bridemaid. It was such a happy ending. If only it had happened and bro would really be my brother and I would be driven by a nice car for life..I mean bro is really a nice guy but too bad he's too old. Next, is my ex-crush in sec school. lol~ oOps fancy revealing that I had a crush during my younger days. I saw him across the traffic light 2 weeks ago and I saw him below my flats walking to the bus stop few days back. Although I only saw his side-view, I am sure it's him lo. And one of my neighbour even talked to him. Don't tell me he has moved into the same block as me and he's the relative of my neighbour? It's not the first time though..he and I were in the same OG camp during the first 3 months in jjc and same tuition group for 2 years too. Anyway my puppy love was for 4 years..can you imagine I was silly enough to be magnetised to this foolish game for 4 years. bleahz~

And talking about the recent Mumbai attack. My hearts goes out to the Singapore family who lost their daughter during the bloodshed. The other siblings mentioned that it takes time to sink in. But I am sure life would never be the same again cuz it is as if they have all lost part of their identities. Just like what John Donne said: Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.

Bless the world and let's remove such hatred and unnecesarry bloodshed. It's just saddening to see people snatching other innocent lives. Let the grim reaper do so instead.

My projects and reports are almost done, just some editing for a report and is all over. I am so happy can, finally I do not need to touch those stuffs for the "time-being". Anyway that picture was taken for my last presentation. All went fine and besides looking at our elated all smile faces, do take notice at our eye bags. I do not know how I manage to sleep for just 3-4 hours each night but I guess it is the urge to complete my assignments that compel me to do so.

I stayed quite late in school this week and some of my friends on msn even thought I was staying overnight. Over my dead body man! Anyway, some stuffs pissed me off this week and so to defend myself I retaliated by being kinda bi**hy. I couldn't care much too as I have no time to waste..there are bound to be such nasty people around here. But nonetheless, there are still some nice people and friends whom you really want to hug them tight. School gave us 6 bottles of chicken essence as our study pack.

Ok, that's all. I am going back to my sMugging.

I am obviously paying quite a fair bit in "ERP Charges". There are people who are obviously in conditions who are worse than mine and I even heard from friends of some people who cried bitterly in library and in some quiet spots. It is of cuz great if people in a team or group work in a team, but life is never of strawberry and cream as there are bound to be slackers or last minute people who chiong like mad at some unconsiderable extent. E.g. to work till late hours and you have to forgo lunch and dinner, to come back on a freaking early sunday morning.

But I have learnt to be more appreciative of life. I try to cover my agony and de-stress even though I feel like ranting curses at them. Such situations and habit of people will not dissipate shortly. There are people who are less fortunate than me and if I am given this wonderful opportunity to study and gain knowledge, I shouldn't whine since there are many people out there who are also in almost same situation as mine. Furthermore, I am very satisfied that despite such stuffs,there are still some good classmates around. If I panic further then I will just wear myself out. I do not want to wear myself out so I shouldn't panic further.

Results and outcomes do not turn out fine for me..perhaps I even the bottom few. Obviously it is kinda depressing. But hey..given the fact that I still have unreleased potential then I should work even harder and SMARTER. There are people who laugh at you and think they will outdo you but never under-estimate yourself.