A new post for a new year.

It had been an eventful 2014, in terms of relationship, health and career.

Relationship - I was out of love and single until the end of the year, whereby I finally met someone whom I am confident and proud to be with. Nobody could heal a broken heart except myself and I am glad that I have few good friends of mine who had encouraged me to explore the possibility of a new relationship. Past the mark of  mid 20s, I no longer believe in a fairy tale, romantic or everlasting relationship. Unexpected things may happen along the way, so I count on every day as  a blessing  and treasure every moment with him. Arguments and differences may occur, but we are practising to sort things out harmoniously.

Health - My health hit a rock bottom due to stress and infrequent meals. I was hospitalized for a few days and almost had to undergo a surgery. It was a scary episode!  And it is still handy to have my granola or snack bar albeit skipping meals.

Career - It was a year of reflecting on how I should progress in my career advancement. There was a major management change followed by high turnover at the company. While work load has become more, the gloomy office environment, unsupportive manager with fluctuating mood swings and repetitive work were the reason that spur me to leave. However, it was not easy to leave because I wanted to change industry and was unsuccessful in many job interviews. Till now, I am persevering and improving on my job application skills.

My mood was not at its best and I had experienced occasions of emotional breakdowns. Doubting myself and wallowing in self-pity. However, I am glad that I have the most supportive parents and found a new meaning in Buddhism that taught me to embrace faith and mindfulness.

May 2015 bring more new breakthroughs and excitement in my life!

In the end, my blog is still the best place to confide to. Without the judgments from people nor the worry of exposing my private life. I like to write because it pens my otherwise haphazard thoughts and provides as a medium to sort out my emotion. Yes, I can be too emotional sometimes. I care for how others will feel and react towards me. I want my friends and people around me to be happy and well, sometimes at the expense of myself. I am neither a sacrificial nor altruistic person. But I am soft-hearted and "emotionally weak". I am slowly learning to manage my emotions better, to be more aware of the emotions I am facing at each point of time and taking control of it. Not attaining perfect balance, but to learn to let go when the time is right.

I have been traveling for few purposes: Leisure, study and work. They are not frequent travels. But I realise through each travel, I learn a little more about myself and about my self-identity and self-aspirations. I really wish traveling will never stop because it brings me excitement and release the wild child in me. I have to admit that my parents are rather boring people. They are pessimistic in life and always worry about money. I do not blame them because we come from a less financially well-to-do family and I am appreciative that their efforts bear fruits. They worked hard for a better future for me and my sister, and we never travel together as a family before. Perhaps due to such situational factors, I was an awkward child. Then I read the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki. It serves as a motivational springboard for me. Poor dad was my parents and rich dad was the world. The world taught me lessons in life and release the happier side of me. I always believe mother nature is as forgiving as Buddha. No doubt we face some ugly sides of mother nature, but it is the magnitude of nature scenery that repeatedly attracted me. It brings me peace amongst living in a concrete jungle. 

Do not laugh..but my next motivation in life is to trek mountains. To be at the top of the world and marvel at the life beneath it. 

Recently, I am again facing some difficulties in life. (1) The prospect of my career through this job (2) Supporting my family  (3) Another failed relationship. 

Actually, (1) and (2) are linked. The reason why I want to progress further and earn more is partly a motivation for myself and to support my parents better. I am the only one left to support them and I just want my parents to lead a better life in their later years. To cover more for their health expenses in times of emergency because they are poorly covered by insurance. I just wish they could be more appreciative of my tiny efforts rather than jump into assumptions or unnecessary conclusion of my salary. With so much hours spend in office, of course I want to get the most out of it. But I do not see myself being value for my efforts and the possibility of a pay increase. Even if I ever progress, staying in the same department will still receive the nasty and demoralizing comments from those veterans in the company. I like my field, am a workaholic and have the utmost zest for knowledge, but this industry is not giving me the right opportunities to learn more. When I realise that I  dread or do not have the urge to work every day, it is a sure sign that I have to fix it. Should I leave this industry all together or stay on for the sake of money? My main concerns are being without income when I am jobless and to manage between going for job interviews even whist still working.

I yet faced another failed relationship. It did not end well and he is the first guy I ever met who cuts me from all contacts. I do not blame him because firstly, I was unsure how I will fit into his life; secondly, I do not like his egoistic character; and thirdly, we were sometimes friends yet lovers though out the long-distance relationship. The only dent that I ever need to heal was his "last" message to me and being pensive on what the hell is wrong with me. It is not the first time that I receive such harsh comments from my ex. It makes me more apprehensive yet ironically, stronger. I think in a relationship, nothing hurts more than a guy cheating on his girlfriend or not knowing that he actually makes his girlfriend cry or hurt. If he could not even attempt to provide the love and security in a relationship, then how about in a marriage? Maybe he is wrong or I am wrong. I do not want to doubt it further. If that makes him less painful, I shall let go. My new style with respect to life? To learn to protect and love myself. Cry but do not cry too much. Do not be too obstinate and cling on to something that is gone; because there is more to life than those tears that waste my youth. I am who I am. Respect it or else leave. 

白安的第一张专辑让我更了解她，这世界和我自己。"我们都必须学会在该放手的时候放手，该重新相信时重新相信。或许在蜕变过程中我 们会因为过去的伤口选择不再信任，但也许就因为自己的不信任，我们将错失那个 可能会带给你希望的「他」和自己。"

Easy come easy go. “你又何苦太苛求 爱必须久留？永恒是个旧念头享受胜过于泪流。管他天亮有没有 以后。” 真的，干吗管他的？

On the last day of 2012, I usually did a little practice with myself. Sit back and think of all the happenings for the year. Flashes of sad and happy encounters started appearing and I am thankful that I am still sitting in this room typing this blog post. I have survived all challenges and therefore, am one baby step stronger. Perhaps the pivot of 2012 was during the second half of the year, whereby I graduated and entered the workforce. It is easy to be caught up in the midst of work and routines such that I forget that I am suppose to constantly do personal development and apply my knowledge to work. Surprisingly, such knowledge is getting rusty. Time to take action. 

I am glad that I came across and read the book "Search Inside Yourself". I think it is necessary for me practice mindfulness given that I am living in a fast-paced environment and have a temper which will flare easily or being too attached to my emotions. A blog post also explains to readers on how finding ourselves through meditation will build our resilience. It succinctly wraps up the distinction between feeling about my feeling and being them (which I often do so). "You are not your thinking. You are the person watching your thinking. That little distinction is the difference between feeling your feelings and being them — and it's critically important. When you feel anger, you're in control of what you do next. When you are angry, you've lost control." 

Inc.com also shows 9 daily habits that can make oneself fee happier. A great start or resolution for the new year. 

#1 Start each day with expectation

#2 Take time to plan and prioritize

#3 Give a gift (word of thanks, encouragement, politeness) to everyone you meet

#4 Deflect partisan conversation

#5 Assume people have good intentions
#6 Eat high quality food slowly
#7 Let go of your results
#8 Turn off "background" TV
#9 End each day with gratitude

Looking back at 2012 resolution:

1. Study and Career - Career is still in progress
2. Financial Planning - Took the first step in managing my finances and still in progress
3. Family, Friends and Loved Ones - I think I done this well, except in love relationship
4. Tone my body (Achieving toned arms) - Bought exercise equipments, but require longer exercise regime
5. Being Closer with my Religion - Can do better!

For this year, I set few more resolution. Some an update of existing ones.

Career
Financial Planning for Personal and Family
Exercise More
Well-Balanced Lifestyle
Understand Love
Understand my Religion Better

Back from my first one-week business trip to Vietnam. I am still a fresh greenhorn in the corporate world. So much to learn from all my colleagues and top management people on how to interact and present myself professionally. In fact, I still act much like a student. The landscape there is pretty much of similar resemblance to other regions in Southeast Asia such as Bangkok. The people are generally friendly and soft-spoken. Somehow each time I returned from an oversea trip, I will have many thoughts. 

I visited the animal farm, harvested my crops and ate them fresh from the farm, and had occasional business conversations with the locals and some foreigners. The traffic there is, to my opinion, very congested. There was no proper traffic system and pollution was prevalent in the cities. People had to wear mask while riding their bikes. Crossing the road, to foreigners like me, can be quite a challenge. Sometimes, back at home, we adore order too much. I appreciate the government's effort in regulating such order in our society, especially the transport network. Yes, we often complain about the train breakdowns, packed trains and congested traffic during peak hours. But at least, traveling from place to place is often a breeze with the well-connected train networks and recent opening of the circle line. Crossing the road, even on a busy day, is safe due to the countless pedestrian crossings.

We do not own much natural resources in our homeland. As a result, I am often worried whether future generations, including myself, will miss out on what mother nature has to offer abundantly. It is quite a sad plight to see young kids glue to their electronic gadgets rather than enjoy the nature. While I laze, sip a warm cup of Vietnamese tea and enjoy the cool breeze in the farm, I realize how detached from nature I have become due to my constant living in a concrete jungle. At night, I explored the bay just opposite my hotel and was amazed at how beautiful it is as compared to our artificial waterways. I like how other parts of Southeast Asia have disorderly streets, bright neon lights and random shop houses emerging along the stoned pavements. Back at home, we are able to view the scenic developments at Esplanade and Marina Bay, but it is through this disorderliness that we see vibrancy and zest in life. It is an irony given that I am person who likes orderliness.

I read few news articles about locals' wish to be first in the Happiness Index (comparable to Bhutan's??) and an increasing number of our population living abroad. Living abroad, as reported, has its perks such as work-life balance and a less hostile/competitive society. I also watched 2 episodes of The Successors on CNA about 2 equally bright ladies from Philippines and Indonesia respectively who have the vision and bold spirit to advance their businesses.

(1) Higher Happiness Index (2) Living Abroad: Work-Life Balance (2) Feisty Ladies Who Succeed in Their Businesses. What do you see in these 3 points? Do you see a trade-off or there is not? It daunts upon me on what I want to see myself to be like in the many years to come. I admire how some women can carve a successful career and yet be equally committed/loving to their families and children. To me, in order to be a complete woman, is to have a compassionate heart, loving family and sensible kids. I believe these are sustainable options that will benefit society even till the day I died.

Things are getting odd lately. With the burning question of getting marry and having babies from so many people, it bears a hidden pressure and a standard reply of "I will when I have found my partner." 

If requirements on a male partner is a dependent variable on age, then a female's requirement on finding an ideal partner will tend to decline as age progresses. And with the worrying figures that many highly-qualified females are single even at the age of 30s and 40s, what promising picture does it paint on society? Am I demanding too much than what I can swallow?

I guess not much people know the exact situation of mine and to divulge it is rather a tad embarrassing. It does not help if your parents keep asking insensitive question as if to broadcast your sorrow openly. The truth is I am jealous that he seems to be doing fine even without me. Or maybe I think too much on the details and I am just being an obstinate and too conservative woman. For now, I could not agree more with this statement, "Be wise. Treat yourself, your mind, sympathetically, with loving kindness. If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others." You see..negative thoughts and being too dependent on others are killers and being unattached can also be happy too. For who is to be blamed for mistakes made thrice? Go to the beach, go do some exercise, go and open your social circle, go get some life..you silly girl.

Settling down with my next phase of life. Life after graduation is challenging yet similarly fulfilling (asides from the fact that I need to wake up freaking early every week day). Apart from my interests, I have to learn to work on things that are beyond my usual scope of work and some involve immense amount of responsibilities and the need for meticulousness. 

A quick check on my blog page view shows that I have top readers from US!! Surprisingly unrealistic given that I am based in SE Asia. So glad that I have overseas page views too.
 

And so I officially miss school. I asked most of my friends on whether they felt the same as I do, but they gave me the matter-of-fact answer that they will not. I believe in my four years of education in a city campus with all the vibrant city life, going to school is sometimes not that boring. Entering this school was also one of my most difficult decision given that it was an unconventional route for me. There were many ups and downs and struggles, but I did not want to gave up. Friends here basically fall into two categories: Superficial and genuine. Of course, I only remember the best memories I had here. Inspirational classmates/friends and professors whom I have met and taught me some of the more important lessons in life.

Now it is time to embark on the next phase of life. Looking back, I realized how much everyone around me has grown up and changed. I do not think learning shall cease upon this journey. Instead of learning in the context of a classroom setting, every day brings the most opportunities of self-discovery and eventually shaping who I am.

Recently, I had to make some decisions. Those kinds that are tough nuts to crack. I told myself that I wanted a utilitarian approach. Some are settled but there is still one which bothers me much. Then I chanced upon a book while walking aimlessly in a shopping mall. A book titled "Search Inside Yourself" by a fellow Singaporean who works in Google. He calls himself the jolly good fellow and offers insights into Google program of increasing productivity, creativity and happiness. I am still in the course of reading this wonderful book and what I enjoy most is his simple approach to meditation and mindfulness. The power of it is boundless and I believe it will help set the direction of riding against negative emotions.

I think this is the exact moment of time when patience and optimism are required. Nobody, including myself, has a clue on when the waiting game is going to end and it is the fear that it will take longer than expected. Comparison with peers is a matter of fact and it is the awkward moment of saying that you are still leading a sort of "vagrant or loafer" life. Nobody likes being a loafer and will want to accomplish or at least, have a sense of achievement. Of course, the options are always open and to persevere. That is something which I have to constantly drill in my mind. It is during difficult time when my mind needs to be strong in order to dispel all negative feelings.

During my free time..being watching a few good rented movie to prevent my mind from wandering too far. One is The Lady and the other is A Simple Life. Both are based on true recounts of people.

The Lady describes the inspirational story of Aung San Suu Kyi and her husband, Michael Aris. Suu wanted to have a peaceful quest to lead the democracy movement of Myanmar (Burma) but was met with endless ordeals and long separations with her husband and two sons. When her husband was in his deathbed, Suu was faced with the dilemma of staying put in Burma or returning to London and barred from entering to Burma. After years of house arrest by the military regime at Yangon (Rangoon), she is finally liberated and able to receive her long-waited Nobel peace prize of 1991 at Oslo and be reunited with her sons. The film may lack the depth of depicting this female protagonist in all her political movement, but it has demonstrated the true courageous and respectable spirit of Aung San Suu Kyi.

Some of her famous quotes include "You may not think about politics, but politics think about you", "We shall not respond with violence under any circumstances" and " Please use your liberty to promote ours." 

A Simple Life describes the story of Chung Chun Tao a house maid to the Leung family in Hong Kong and who served Roger, the young master of the Leung's. As her health deteriorated, she was unable to work anymore and opted to stay in the old age home. However, that did not deter Roger from visiting her. As their relationship grew deeper into a bond of Mother and Son, Roger had to deal with the fact that Tao will soon be leaving him and how much she actually means to him. In life, there is always the cycle of birth and death..of birth, old age, sickness and death. How do we deal with it or even expect to treat our parents when they are old? Subsequently, we will all be old one day. 

I am learning how to breathe slowly. Recently, I have noticed how my breathing patterns change as my mood fluctuates. Been enjoying traveling experiences with friends over this month and I am falling in love with it. If I could add one best thing as my hobby/interest and it will be traveling. It is during traveling where my heart seems sedated and my breathing returns to normal.

There are many things that are caught up in my mind lately. Hiccups, mistakes, etc. In addition to these woes is the LDR which is taking a toll on me. Both of us are dominating creatures and he refuses to admit or bow lower unless he thinks it is his mistakes. Sometimes he unintentionally speaks harshly and hurts my pride or ego. As a Leo, I have to admit that I am quite prideful although I usually do not exposed it much and I act too independently such that he feels insecure. Being a little superstitious, my aunt told me bluntly that he is an imperfect match according to our Chinese horoscope, or what she calls a "power struggle of two hot-headed creatures". I do want to give up on this yet and he knows for sure that I will never be the "feminine or household woman" that he mistakenly saw in me through first impression, rather I am, to his displeasure, quite a fiery iron-fist woman (野蛮女人).

Unknowingly, in love relationship, the ride for me is bumpy. I never openly admitted to that previously, but I guess at this grand old age of mine it is nothing to be afraid of confessing. I miss the boats twice or maybe thrice and pick myself up each time it does not work. Unashamedly, I am also envious of the sweet relationships among my friends (some of them already engaged) and long for a day where I can make traveling plans with my love. Is these all hard fate or just a ordeal from above to make me stronger? With a positive mentality, I am sure I am able to deal with it. I just need the courage.

Battle hymns of the dragon lady?

Is been quite some time since I visited blogger and realized that the layout has changed a fair bit. Just returned from my 1 week Bali trip and it is indeed a land of paradise. It was such a sunny island and the artifacts and architecture of the landmarks are so ancient and magnificent. People who have watched the movie Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts will have agreed on the traditional feel and beautiful scenery around Bali, especially the sea and beaches! 

It was great companionship with all my friends and I felt myself rejuvenated amongst the nature. Seeing, feeling, smelling and even hearing nature! While most of my friends are mainly shopping types, I am more of an adventurous and sightseeing type. I can spend hours snapping photos, admiring the fine stone sculptures and getting my hands dirty. Although the Balinese are not the most friendly people, I have to agree that they are seriously good in arts and food. While I sat on the car buzzing along the streets, I witnessed stretches of Hindu and Buddhist deities stone and lave sculptures in shades of white, grey and black. I learn some interesting facts of the culture, demographics and basic etiquette of Bali from our local driver/guide. For example, most people in Bali are Hinduism, there are no buses or trains in Bali so locals usually travel by motorbikes, scooters, cars or bicycles, do not enter temple if you are menstruating or have bleeding wounds, and do not step on the canang sari (morning offerings that include palm leaf, flowers, herbs and incense stick to the gods) as it offensive to the locals.

The most exhilarating or perhaps near-death experience was the water sports activity in Nusa Dua Beach, near Kuta Bali. I had my monthly you-know-what (heavy flow) and was not in my best shape that day. Yet, the beautiful beach was beckoning me to stop hesitating and join in the fun for all activities, including para-sailing, jet ski, donut, banana boat and fly fish. First, it was the jet-ski. Initially, I was little apprehensive about the speed of the motor jet and my driver was a mad fellow who made sharp turns. But I grew to love the excitement and told him to drive at full speed and make more turns and bends. Turns out that he fell from the jet and I was the wettest among my friends. Next, was the banana boat. The driver, perhaps assuming I am a thrill-seeker, made the biggest/craziest blow to our boat by jumping and flipping it over. We sank really deep into the sea. I almost drowned as my life vest was little faulty and the waves were huge, but the driver managed to pull me up the boat. It is no joke and I have to thank Amitabha for hearing my prayers and saving me since all of my friends also had quite a mouthful of salty sea water. My Bali tour agency friend told me that the best beach with clearest/turquoise water to visit, be romantic and scuba-dive is the Padang Padang beach. Bali has one of the biggest and nicest waves suitable for surfing.

While trekking up Mount Bedugul to visit Gitgit waterfall, located at 300 meters above sea level, everyone had rough encounters with chest tightness (probably due to high altitude) and mozzies bite. Being a little adventurous, I attempted to climb over the slippery rocks and soaked my tired feet into the rapids. Unbeknownst to me, the sole of my slippers had already wore out and I slipped twice. The scariest thing was the leeches lingering in the still water that wanted to feed on my blood.

When I returned back home, it was a cruel shock of reality. Faced with the transition stage of seeking a stable career and supporting my family, I had few arguments with my dad over money issues. It was a scene of intimate strangers. Kind of a contradictory term but we were not talking to each other for few days despite living under the same roof. It was also the first time in which I was greatly disappointed with them. But reflecting on it and after talking to my godsis, it is just my insecurity and stress over this transition stage of unknown outcome. 

Things are not going smoothly these days and I feel myself being entrapped in a never-ending maze. No matter how hard I have tried or thought I have tried, the outcomes are just disappointing.

I wish he or they could have understand more, but it seems that it does not matter now. It is sometimes just too daunting clarifying or explaining yourself while the other parties are just clueless or in doubts. The worst is when you burst into a fitful anger and only later realize that you are the greatest sufferer of your own negative mood.

I guess everyone has their own definitions of "dreadful" experience, but there are basically two clear options. Sit at one corner and continue moaning or pick yourself up (no matter how bad in shape you are) and adapt or change. Because the ultimate controller of my life is none other than myself.

Not sure whether you are aware of Charlie Chaplin's instrumental soundtrack for the 1936 movie - Modern Times, which was later rewrote with lyrics for the song title "Smile". Smile was then later used as a tribute song to Michael Jackson. The song strikes a chord with me in terms of similar sentiments towards life and gives me motivation to smile even when I am so tired. "Smile even though your heart is aching. If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you will see the sun come shining through. Light up your face with gladness..you will find that life is worthwhile."

I miss HK so much and have the urge to return to my school campus where I am greeted with the nature every morning and the cooling breeze at night. If people say nature is the best medicine for healing purposes, I will definitely agree.

Although it was just a mere few months of residing at the dormitory of New Asia college, this video brings back much fond memories.




" 暮春三月，是花開的季節，是離別的季節。每年到了這些天，同學披上畢業袍、拋起四方帽，一面迎向未知的未來，卻又難忘在此間度過的幾個寒暑，難捨那曾經以為不老的青春。

成長總有起伏，離別何必感傷，這麼美好的校園，如此美好的時光，在花開花落之間，在各奔前程以前，讓我們珍惜還能一起切磋思想，砥礪人生的機會，多聽幾場精采的演講，讓我 們為中大，唸一首詩，寫一幅字，拍一張照片，紀念這段青蔥歲月。"

只缘身在此山中
有时我梦见校园
那些思想的盛宴
那些载满回忆的角落
那些穿梭山上山下的岁月
奔向未来之前
珍重、珍惜
美好的时光

Because I myself am in the mountains
Sometimes I dream of the campus
Those "feast" of ideas
Those campus corners that are loaded with memories
Those years of shuttling up and down the mountains
Before embarking on my future
Treasure and cherish..
Good times here

A hectic recess week has just gone by. Wait a minute..did I call it a recess week? I think I have been traveling to school almost every day and the only benefit I ever get is that I get to sleep slightly later than my usual morning class. I thought I could catch a few movies or so, but it turns out that I only manage to watch one. Oh well, better than none.

What has society turned us to? A bunch of cold blooded animals? Caring for our own turfs as part of the survivor's game. It is sad to see such sights and plights. Some friends posted this quote on fb, "Those who are heartless once cared too much." On the surface, it may seem almost agreeable that people get hurt in the process when the other party does not reciprocate. But is that what we really want? To act on reciprocity as part of the capitalistic society? Should we stop caring when the other party does not receive it too well..or should we be compassionate and understand that everyone also wants be happier than where they are now? Perhaps a line can be drawn between when a person should selflessly help or care someone and when to be aware that you are not being used or treated as a fool.

Money can buy us happiness. Money is not the root to all evil. But we need to understand that money will never be sufficient or a measurable to happiness if we are constantly unsatisfied with where we are now. How I yearn for a day where I can just simply go on backpack trips and discover the real purpose of life without the "mind pollution" that I faced. But on a more realistic goal, to learn from the wise or Venerable ones.

It is the end of the first week of school. Many more readings to catch up on as compare to other semester as I am taking up the more intensive thinking courses. Other than that, using some of my free time searching for jobs through my school portal and looking up for career talks session. Feel so much like procrastinating but the gloomy economic outlook does not signal anything positive either.

Is finding someone who has a sincere heart that makes you feel secure that difficult? While you are the over-achieving one who has many aspiring plans in life and at overseas, I just want someone who leads a simple and less over-complicated life.

My friend posted this MV quite some ago on FB and I really think it is a well created MV that connects well with the song and lyrics. Liang Wen Yin's I am not that courageous as you think. 梁文音 (我不是你想像那么勇敢). Click to watch.


In a life's journey, we will sometimes lose part of ourselves or an object along the way. If I had lost courage and strong will in life, can I find it at the Lost and Found information counter?

听了田馥甄所唱的歌，心里有好多感触。过了那么多年，我最终还是真心真意要你过得幸福。所有错误从我这里落幕，而我会把与你度过的每一片美好回忆永恒惦记在心里。谢谢你让我感受到被爱的甜蜜滋味，谢谢你爱过了我。

Watched this animated dvd movie that comes free from a magazine subscription. It brings me closer to Buddha and his life story. An inspiring story of one of the greatest teachers in history which is filled with compassion and wisdom. The Buddha, directed by Krismant Wattananarong.

My final holiday break is about to end soon. It will be my last long holiday before entering the workforce.

Spent the last day of 2011 with my godsis and her family. Playing with her 2-years old daughter made me so happy and I just wanted to provide her with everything within my means. It also made me ponder on whether I will want to start a family and take up the responsibilities of being a mother and a wife. After dinner near Chomp Chomp area, I headed for countdown with a bottle of white wine and great view overlooking the harbor.

Sometimes, I think I am too much of a freedom-seeker that I detest being tied down by anyone. I want to do things and explore places without informing anybody and at my own free will. I guess nobody can ever pull the reins over me and if he or she is able to do so one day, this person must have captured my heart. So, the question is whether over the years to come, I will want to step into a relationship?

At times, even I myself am afraid of who I am. Not that there is any existence of DID, but when I choose to seek freedom or independence, I will want to be isolated from the rest and choose to disappear from the stifling crowd.

Over the previous year, I did stuffs that I previously had no courage of doing. While there are usual up-and-down, every year is a time to learn and gain new experiences and knowledge. For this year, I set aside resolutions as I take the bolder step to transition from a student to being a potential OL.

Study and Career
Financial Planning
Family, Friends and Loved Ones
Tone my body (Achieving toned arms)
Being Closer with my Religion

Nom nom mum mum..eating my bowl of strawberries



Tech-savvy! Touch screen to the max. Future career women in the making.

Recuperating from the wound of my wisdom teeth. Many plans were stalled and time was mostly spent on the bed. The first day was the most terrible as I had a bout of vomiting spell after consuming the medicine. It was a grossly mess and drinking water was another task. But things improved and the wound is healing. With one more teeth in a risky position, the dentist refused to extract it and I am left with the option of seeking more professional opinion.

My HK group mate and buddy has returned to HK and is asking me to visit his country soon. Looks like I will be having a tour guide to introduce me to more good food and shopping deals when I returned. It was quite a "cross-cultural" experience for my project as this time, we had group mates from Spain, Germany and HK. The Europeans complained that local food is too oily and consist of little raw vegetables (they like salad) and the HK complained about the long waiting interval for trains and smaller portion of local food.

With the recent triple breakdowns of our local transportation - the railway, it has invited the public intervention of the Committee of Inquiry which has only conducted two public questionings so far.

Social media has mainly painted a negative picture of it and there is huge public pressure for its Chief Executive to step down. It is appalling to realize shoddy routine checks of the railway surfacing and feeble attempts of service recovery prior to the second breakdown..of which was later greatly rectified. If we take a look at PA system of railways in HK, they are announced in Cantonese, Chinese and English and staffs are stationed adequately to facilitate even minor problems such as in my case, unable to locate the control station and accumulating enough railway reward points for a free single-journey to Disneyland.

While it is quite first-dimensional to blame the highest person in position for such serious disruptions, I believe what the transport analysts had said is right - to learn from operators in other cities (rather than continue pointing fingers). A public transport that has so many stakeholders involved requires good management style, empowered employers and org communication that efficiently facilitates its structure. Of course, I will want all repair works to be done faster haha (although the technicians and engineers have to work even harder..salute them) so that my traveling plans will be least affected.

At a time when I falter and question myself, I receive kind words from some of my friends. Although they are just a few, but I am already satisfied. They gave me the encouragement and perhaps they might not know, they actually provide me with assurance that the path I am walking on is worth it.

One late night after there was no bus and train, I was flagging a taxi and the taxi driver uncle mistook me as a Chinese national (PRC). Even when I tried to correct him, he was still bewildered until I started speaking in Singlish and he switched on the car's interior light to clarify. But jokes aside, I am still sort of cheena and I like Chinese philosophy and history. They are so rich and deep in meaning.

Took a Chinese history and political class many months ago and I like how Lao Tzu says about been satisfied with oneself. In chapter 33 of the Tao Te Ching, it says:

知 人 者 智 ， 自 知 者 明 。 胜 人 者 有 力 ， 自 胜 者 强 。 知 足 者 富 。 强 行 者 有 志 。 不 失 其 所 者 久 。 死 而 不 亡 者 寿 。

Loosely translated in English: Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing oneself is enlightenment. Mastering others requires strength. Masters oneself requires might. He who is satisfied with his lot is rich. He who acts with vigor has will. He who continues with the requirements of his position will endure. He who lives out his day has had a long life or longevity.

I think many times in life we will only come to appreciate what we have and enjoy the richness of life when we come to understand the meaning of being satisfied with our own lot.

It has been raining cats and dogs these past few days. Having a cup of hot drink or tea and listening to some soulful music are the best remedy to keep me awake.

I don't know whether I should feel sad or question the flaws in my character, but I have never felt so overwhelmed with such emotions that it sort of demands self-reflection. When I was younger, it was just purely of "I don't want to friend you," but now it is more of a "oh..that bitch." From my previous posts, I did mention about these few ladies whom I have met in my summer study trip.

With powerful social media and constant FB updates, even if you have no intention of intruding their lives, you are bound to accidentally read/see their comments/photos and the plain fact is they are excluding you from whatever activities they are doing "loud and clear". Not that I will fancy joining them too and I could have ignored their amateurish moves, but I just wonder what I am as a friend to all of my existing friends? What is my first impression?

Heard this rendition of Jayesslee's cover on dare you to move as a dedication to the people of Thailand. I remember listening to this song in the movie "A walk to remember." A slow and poignant movie that reflects the innocent teenage romance. What should I say? These girls are mesmerizing and I am in love with their sincere singing voice. Pray for the people in Thailand's flood!





An old album - Corrinne May's Shelter. What I want to achieve as a friend? Just as the song says, "I'll listen when nobody gets you, you don't have to be alone. Promise me that you'll call my name..let me be an answer cos' it hurts me to see you this way..I wanna ease your pain..let me be your shelter, my friend." If only every friendship can endure the evolving dark side of humanity and be a warm shelter to every friend in need.

Without proper mindfulness, the greatest sufferer is myself. When a person experiences happy encounters, greed and lust set in. You want more of it, yet you are afraid that they will be gone soon. However, when a person experiences setbacks, self-serving bias kicks in. How many failures does a person need to gather in order to be successful? It took Thomas Edison 3000 attempts. Mistakes are made but lessons are learnt. When similar mistakes are made, who are we to blame? A question that haunts me.

Sometimes I gazed upon the brightest speck of star in the dark sky or the moon by the window, thinking of you. It has been 5 years since you were gone and I say a prayer that you are happier. Free from the sufferings and smiling. On this special week, I dedicate a poem to you..from my favourite poet - Max Ehrmann's Song.

The night is here and through the sky
the stars are creeping;
The tired day has closed its door;
My heart is sad and I am weeping;
I see her face no more.

"Oh stars," I cry, "send out
within your golden gleaming
This message to my only love.
Perhaps she, too, is sitting dreaming,
With eyes that look above:

"Here, dear heart, how often
I've sat in summer weather,
Alone with stars and dreams anew;
The stars will bring us yet together,
I breathe a prayer to you."

And then my one-week break is over. It was busier than I had expected with more project meetings and commuting to school more frequently than any other weeks. Other than lessons, at least I managed to watch a couple of rented DVD movies, catch a few good dramas, and had ample sleep over the weekends in my scarce yet adequately sufficient spare time.

Well, I also did enjoy good old times with poly friends. Had dinner at Lao Beijing (where's my Peking Duck??), chill over beer at Mt. Emily, and had almost a buffet dinner at Sushi Tei.

I felt so much like a grumpy pregnant woman earlier this week, probably due to PMS symptoms. My mood flared up to such high levels over the earlier week that I almost had the tendency to curse people. But such negative mood is never a means to see things objectively, and I do admit that I have overreacted.

It's good to know that people and friends are also supporting you when you are merely sleeping 4-5 hours each night. Despite of any religion, I felt tranquility and motivation when friends send sweet sms or quotes to perk me up.

I love this one the most. How true can it get when I felt so much in a daily rat race. Click on picture below to enlarge.

Been listening to emo songs these days. Not because I am literally being in an emo state, but that emo songs sometimes relate to your own personal experience or the singer sings it with such emotion that it somehow has the "stickiness factor" in your mind and evokes such melancholic sentiments.

Well, as the semester progresses, I am still feeling quite stressed despite taking fewer modules. Perhaps you would ask me that how could this be? There are many factors - mainly personal pressure, the need to spice up my resume, more challenging coursework, etc.

Heard this at Tseun Wan's Neway Karaoke previously. Was on my way back from the toilet when I heard someone singing this song. I almost had the urge to barge into that room and asked, "What song is this?" If I had done so, it would be another story. And so the story ended that I didn't intrude into that room and it took me so long just to find out the song title and singer.

Janice 卫兰 - 大哥 (Elder brother). The MV explains how a female has a secret crush on her best male friend, but the male friend treats her as his little sister all this while. It is now in repeat play mode in my music player and sometimes, it just bring tears for some nonsensical reason. Truth is, 我都系不需要大哥啦！可唔可以忘记辈份再追？ The lyrics are meaningful.



Another song is Mag Lam 林欣彤 - 洗澡 (Bathe). The MV explains the painful experience of a relationship breakup to the extent that the female metaphorically, does not bother bathing, grooming or eating. I think this song has demonstrated Mag's powerful vocal and has also blended well with the song melody.