Hate being ps..but was ps. Hate confusion and indecisive personality..but was caught in such situation. What a great week to start with. From the morning I woke up on monday, dark ominous clouds gathered above me and I didn't feel like my confident self. Though I knew I shldn't be too superstitious but the current events all seem absurd and haywire. Took a personality test and it revealed some very accurate results of my current mood. Although I refused to admit it but it insisted that I am egocentric and sensitive lately.

Had a glance of the preview for "The Leap Years" and I would like to prove Shakespeare was correct. It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but ourselves. But how could I when things went awry yet again in my life? My family treasure fortune teller book once said something about my destiny. It was a beautiful flaw which make my life imperfect and I wished I wouldn't believe in it but to create my own destiny. I wished I didn't have a woman's sixth sense that proved accurate in the most painful and disastrous moment. If only and how I wish...

I realised my greatest fear and foe which I had been avoiding for a long time was lonliness

Shit, Just admit that I had a bad day.

The withered leaves mosturize the ailing earth
The end of winter
Brings the rebirth of fresh leaf shoots
The eternally emerald green leaves during summer
Have filled life with vibrancy
I had asked you why was there summer
You had replied that the green leaves are willing to fulfil their rightful duty
Then I had asked you where was the girl next door
Why wasn't she fulfiling her duty
You had told me I coudn't see her again
As she had found her place in my heart
And my feet are hers too
Just like a flower that blooms
And sheds its petals
Just like a baby who wails
As he comes to this world
I embark on my journey
Stepping to the new world
With uncertainity and trepidation
I walk the path together with you
Our hearts and feet striving as one

We have unofficially graduated and now everyone has their plans on building their career or studies. I wished I had a chance to rely on all of you again..especially my downcast moments during year two and to worked hard for our FYP again. But yearns and desire are just a dreamer's mind. Truth is subconsiously is a timid mind that don't have the necessary courage to face challenges, climb up the corporate ladder and to carry the responsibilty of supporting my parents. The responsibilty seems great and which 1.5 years back wouldn't have been me alone to carry this responsibility.

Wanted to help somone to revise Maths on fri for his CE entrance test to NUS..but the paper was kinda tough and I had lost touch with AMaths for couple of years. Look through the Civil & Env Eng Maths lecture notes for uni..and oh great, the lecturer is creating a complex puzzle to solve rather than explaining terms la. Partial fractions with so many weird coefficients and alphabetical terms as compare to my poly notes. Ended up playing Sony PS which was damn cool and doing virtual driving lessons. Lol~

Spend my saturday doing the jigsaw puzzle that SQ mama gave me during christmas eve. Quite addicted to it and hope I can make a bigger puzzle next time. Kinda meaningful as I pieced up the puzzles to our friendship.

A long Chinese New Year Break and it's the year of the Rat..haha, the year of my cute little hamsters. Went for CNY visit but other than that was boring and kinda like dead town near my neighbourhood area. Did some school work, watched television and drama, managed to watch my long awaited Hwang Jini. OMG, her character in that drama was great. Imagine acting all three emotions in one drama. Happiness, hatred and sorrow. Nobody really does enjoy her character and I guessed I am just abnormal to love her character so fondly and deeply. Met secondary school mates in teacher's house and everyone really changed and grew alot. Our aspiration and opinions on life changed and practically everyone is in Uni or else graduating soon. Teacher's house is super cool and I loved her interior designing ideas..neat, spacious living and a touch of contemporary and country English style.

Went to aunt and grandma's home and aunt couldn't stop ranting about secondary schools. My nephew is gonna enter sec soon and she and her husband are eyeing NUS high school, RV and Hwa Chong as their ideal school. Great schools but none were my nephew's ideal and they were like giving him great pressure to enter such SAP schools la. Neighbourhood schools also do excel in sports and academic wat but they just presume them as not potential.

Short schools breaks were great as I managed to listen to some nice music and unwind. Practically isolated myself from the outside world for few days. lol~

Thanks to KH and Shin, managed to listen to Ayumi's latest album - Guilty. She is still as gorgeous in this magazine's interview. Woot..love her pose.

Borrowed a CD from friend and the upbeat tunes and remix are also WONDERFUL! A genre of a fusion of electronica dance and techno jazz.



Hokkaido sisters (Tsugumi & Yoshika) presents yet another collection of RnB, hip hop, funk and soul music in their Best of SOULHEAD album. They are yet to release their latest album but just this album and simply I can just replay and replay their music without getting bored. Best Friends with lyrics by Yoshi is damn nice and what I would like to express to friends whom have crossed my path in life. They sang it with such great emotion that the song just grew in meaning until it reached the ending.


With my lies and my facade
I've hurt you many times
I do not need friends
Or so I thought
Until I met you

"No one I can trust anymore"
I close my heart
I couldn't see straight anymore
But you were the one who
Always believed in me

Even if this world ends
The time that I spent with you will live on
Even now, I remember that time and its tears
It will live on forever
Dear Friends

The scars and the pain will not be gone
Even now
We share those times together
Beyond those tears

I could see tomorrow
Because I am not alone
Beyond the smiling face
I want you to remember me

Therefore, in every way you are necessary
I would like to go on living together with you

Even if this world ends
The time that I spent with you will live on
Those memories of your smiling faces
I'll never forget
Dear friends...

So long as you are here
And always by my side
I will be strong
"I'll sing to you"

Even if this world ends

The time that I spent with you will live on
Even now, I remember that time and its tears
It will live on forever
Dear Friends

In darkness
I'll become the light which illuminates you
I might become confused
But I'll continue walking on
As I can still hear your footsteps
Dear Friends...

A disastrous and disappointing NAPFA attempt and that I guess would be my last attempt I ever took. Months without exercise but sitting on the chair to discuss on my FYP and great..stamina and strength went downhill and gaining extra weight. My physical stamina is not good to start with and so there went my NAPFA. Started with the sit and reach and tore my thigh muscle in a strenous but futile attempt to reach the target. Next came the great 2.4km run and couldn't run much as my muscle was giving way and I felt wobbly on my legs. Everyone was rushing to complete the race but I was like lagging behind. And soon due to my lack of determination, I was jogging and walking through out the 2.4km. Flunked 2 stations and suffered two days of leg cramps and aches.

Dun care le..I want to be fit fit. Shall exercise and go gym if possible more often. Muahaha~ Had a stomach cramp on thusrday. Pain like hell..until couldn't even walked and was sweating profusely. Flagged a cab home and took some rest. But the excruciating pain wouldn't go off and I was getting nauseous. Crawled to the nearest clinic (sounds kinda dramatic) and doc presribed me an awful lot of pills. Said dunno what gastric flu and heartburn stuffs. Unfit and unhealthy to the max.

Further studies options..looks like I am going the lonely path. It is me and my courage and determination to pursue my dreams. Not exactly a dream but rather an option which I could only take and not blame myself repeatedly.

In a couple of weeks, we will soon be bidding farewell. Kinda unbelieveable and saddening in my opinion. How I wish I could live these 3 years to its fullest and not regret it. But I guess well, everyone grew up in these years. Things that had happened couldn't be undone and setbacks made us stronger. Was kena persuaded by Mr Wong to participate in the graduation video interview. Wished I hadn't agreeed to it cuz I find myself extremey horrendous and fidgetty in tat video. What would happen when this video is to be showcased on the ceremony? I am sure to hide myself in a paper bag. Lol~

CNY is near the corner but I dun see the urge and desire to celebrate it. What is there to celebrate when you are not even around? It would never be the same again. Yeah..being EMO lots again. But that's god fate anyway and I always believe in gaining through losing.