Well, it's the time of the year again to bid 2008 goodbye and welcome a fresh new year..the year of the golden ox. 2008 has been a year of changes and self reflection. I remembered welcoming 2008 with the friendly bus driver of bus 52 who greeted me with a "welcome on board and a happy new year" and doing my PED with jas, SQ and JX. Then it was graduation time from poly and everyone was frantically enrolling into uni. It was the hardest dilemma as I pondered on switching courses and to face the threat of starting all over again. Then it was working 5 months at Jefferies as a temp worker. It was there where I learn to respect secretary cum receptionist cum admin people. You know those arrogant high-"crust" and high-post people who demand stuffs from them and pile them with so many claim forms..groceries, food, medical and even pets and car!!?? Jefferies closed its Singapore, Dubai and Tokyo offices earlier this month while their client-Bakrie brothers is trying to clear its US 680 million debt with the help of Brentwood and ICICI admidst the credit crunch and financial crisis all to my shocking disbelief.

Then came August where the new school term started. It was then where I started to miss the company of my poly mates, the joy of discussing tut and gathering in food courts to have a nice lunch. The school tradition, jc people and multiple faces people freak me out and I realized how gullible I am. I did not do well this term and sometimes have the urge to withdraw. But I know I will regret one day if I give up this opportunity. It's tired there but I sincerely yearn and hope that at least I get to know a nice friend whom will share all emotions and burden with me. Just one and I will be truly contented. I hope God gives me a good reason to carry on here and the courage to achieve higher results.

So here I have a few new year resolution (wishes and hopes to be exact):

Family
License
Friends
Studies
Courage

This week was pretty fun and good. Did some christmas shopping, had a nice chat with yijia, received a nice log cake from her (p.s I am eyeing Rive Gauche's strawberry shortcake lol) watched a couple of nice drama and movie, celebrated christmas after 2 years and finally stepped into st james with sq and yx. So bear with me while I do a personal recount of my 'virgin' trip there. oOh I juz loved recounts.

We chilled at powerhouse but the music wasn't my heavy trance but more of euro housebeat. We hopped to the boiler room which had some liveband going on, the music was awesome and I loved the gigs. You can see beer dispenser been emptied within a few minutes. Next we went to dragonfly as claimed as cheena by yx. The music there was good to be exact but the crowd really a little cmi. I went to the toilet and there's this really cute auntie (I guess late 40s) who was shaking her body real hard and nodding her head to the dance beats as if she were high on drugs..hippy leh. It was sleazy there and sq said there are too many 'jian nu ren' there. It was then followed up by Movida which was playing some latin music . We escaped there super fast and returned to powerhouse with some drinks before hitting the dancefloor for the night. Finally the music was better with a mix of trance, r&b, techno beats, funky house and splashes of retro. I guessed I danced too hard that I bumped into people's butts. We truly sweated ourselves there and met up with some of yx's friends. Perhap Sq was just too 'hey, gorgeous!" and met a weird friend but he soon left..phew~

Stuffs are good so far. Met up with my old friends, had dinner with loved ones and enjoyed a couple of good dramas and movies. Good stuffs end faster than expected and soon it is back to the battlefield. Sometimes I really wish I am not living in this place that I was born somewhere else. Somewhere where it's a better place, where life is an enjoyment and I can be amazed and bewildered by the splendour of nature, to globetrot and backpack to many amazing exotic places. But it is just a dream, a beautiful facade that is impossible in today's society.

There's one incident this week that pissed me, it made me such a fool to even pacify that person. Let's name that person as A. I called A politely to ask her when she wanted to buy the school books but it turned out I was free on neither days. It ended quite disgusting and horrifying. A threw wrong excuses at me, that I am never free to do stuffs and even attend the gatherings. A said that the sound and presence of me irritated her and she hung up the phone.

It made me sad and loserish that I always have no good fate to meet better and closer friends. A always has mood swing, sometimes she treats people good while other times weirdly hostile. The memories of secondary school and poly days brought back memories that when I reminisce will bringsback a smile on my face. But life in here just is bittersweet. People have so many faces that you do not dare to be nicer or even to trust them. When people tell you they will be late for 30 mins it would better be 2 hours. Well, let me not feel depressed or hurt by these people. In addition, my test results are not up to my expectation but perhaps a reminder that I should work harder. No matter what, I will still remember all the sweet memories even how minute they are. May god gives me the strength to smile through adversities and even if I have to die one day, at least I know I have live my life with smiles and not sorrows.

Another incident is on marriage. Broken marriage that strikes one of my friends. I just detest males who use a career-minded wife as an excuse to be bewitched by another woman. I believe that men who leave their good faithful wives would realise that sinful mistake one fine day. Sorry that I am a feminist but I am happy that in times of today's society, females are now in better position to fight for their rights as compare to the feudalistic times.

Learning driving is taking up most of my time now. My parking skills sucks big time but I will improve on it haha~ Anyway, auto car lesson is much better than manual and driving auto is much smoother.

Holidays are good so far and how I really wish it could be longer. When you are working, there are no such things as a long vacation unless you take annual leave. Even as a student, although I adore long vacations but never have I dreaded that school reopens. But now, somehow I do not love school as much as before because I know it would be another long and tiresome battle of willpower and intelligence. If only there is such thing as home schooling for tertiary level. Or if my parents were super influential and rich tycoons, I would be buying all the exercises and tests answers for each semester LOL~

Life..what is life. Life is supposed to be LIFE and lively, just like the splendid life of mother nature, the beautiful trees, green leaves etc. But where is life here in this island? Neither do we enjoy the 4 seasons of nature nor we have the colours of nature scene. Except for the neat rows of trees or shrubs along road dividers.

Rather than whine that school is gonna be horrifying I better have start rectifying past mistakes and reading up soon. Anyway, I had a nice time on sat. I felt so light and easy..so at ease and at home. Had a few drinks at Harry's @ Dempsey Hill although some of them said their 'high-meter' were at negative. It was all quiet there as people are crowding their butts at the Zoukout event that night. Perhaps I will have the fate to visit stjames when it plays trance+euro house music. Was on my way home when I was some sort persuaded to go Indochine. In the end, headed down there to chill out and had frog leg porridge supper in the absoulte wee hours. Unhealthy lifestyle to be exact but it is somehow enjoyable once in a while.

I randomly look through some facebook profiles of my classmates from stress management university and felt so out of place as if I don't belong to their culture. Their culture of drinking, partying, having active social lives with so many friends crowding around them and the countless sports and investment CCAs that they join. They are happy, they have the strong friends network, the ability to cope and the courage to speak up boldly in class. And me, I am like wheezing from the workload and even with one CCA but I still don't have the time to attend regularly.

What am I doing when they are partying and drinking at the artsbash @ Zouk? I am resting at home just after my last paper. I don't even have the energy to party till crazy right after my last paper. I will be pushing myself beyond my normal limits and finally collapsing in dire exhaustion after the finishing rounds. Since the hols starts one week ago, I somehow develop this desire that this holiday would continue for 2 months. At least I feel at peace now, away from the seminar rooms and dreadful concourse. I want to enjoy life and studies just like everyone of them but I am not the mould of theirs. Sad to say I am an introvert and it is hard to convert to an extrovert partying animal. It takes time and a change in my character "genes".

Tell you what peeps, I am sick of those English hip hop, rap or even RnB. It is too westernized here and I have resorted to a liking for canto and chinese songs instead. Trance is my dear which I never detest. Of cuz it is called trance cuz you go into a trance and high feeling with the reptitive beats and electric music. I am getting weird these days cuz some things happened to dear ones around me. I am feeling bad cuz I couldn't imagine life without them. Anyway, I am still blessed with great parents of mine. How much more fortunate could anyone yearn for. I just want to play, have fun and to live a simplistic life.

Tests are all over which is a huge sign of relief. But the terror part of receiving the outcome of tests is terrifying. Previously, I know that even if I don't do well the outcome wouldn't be so bad. But now is all a different story. It is an extreme case and the effect of demoralization is 10 times worse. It is here where the catch-up effect theory doesn't work and my system is ever facing diminishing returns. What I need is a system that produces increasing returns. I hate the feeling of entering another battlefield after this break but I know I must repeat this viscious cycle for 7 more times. Things never come that easy too.

Anyway, my desktop crashes and all my hamster pictures are gone. I tried to save my dying compt for one whole day but only managed to recover some files. Fancy it crashing after all my tests..which is obviously a good thing. What is the worst nightmare..for me it is when your compt died at the 'unglamarous' moment.

Recently, I had many strange dreams and encounters and are all to do with men. Ok, I am not been lecherous or unfaithful here but it just came. First, was the dream of you marrying bro and I was the bridemaid. It was such a happy ending. If only it had happened and bro would really be my brother and I would be driven by a nice car for life..I mean bro is really a nice guy but too bad he's too old. Next, is my ex-crush in sec school. lol~ oOps fancy revealing that I had a crush during my younger days. I saw him across the traffic light 2 weeks ago and I saw him below my flats walking to the bus stop few days back. Although I only saw his side-view, I am sure it's him lo. And one of my neighbour even talked to him. Don't tell me he has moved into the same block as me and he's the relative of my neighbour? It's not the first time though..he and I were in the same OG camp during the first 3 months in jjc and same tuition group for 2 years too. Anyway my puppy love was for 4 years..can you imagine I was silly enough to be magnetised to this foolish game for 4 years. bleahz~

And talking about the recent Mumbai attack. My hearts goes out to the Singapore family who lost their daughter during the bloodshed. The other siblings mentioned that it takes time to sink in. But I am sure life would never be the same again cuz it is as if they have all lost part of their identities. Just like what John Donne said: Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.

Bless the world and let's remove such hatred and unnecesarry bloodshed. It's just saddening to see people snatching other innocent lives. Let the grim reaper do so instead.