What a tired week. I am pushing myself to another limit and although I have not reached the ideal frontier, I am without any restraints. Sometimes I wonder, who and why am I striving hard for? Nobody can I provide the answer, but I guess is myself and a future that propel me.

Talking about urban/city life and yes..I still have so much qualms about it. You start each day chasing for the bus, squeeze your way through the bustling MRT station, wait for the train to reach the stop, even when you are not squeezing others, others are bound to squeeze you, take a deep breathe and smell a whiff of anxious heart pounding and sour perspiration in the air. Hug tight to whatever assets (bags, laptops etc) you are holding and stand in a tight assigned spot of circumference less than 1.5 m and yet have to endure the inconsiderate people flipping the moulding TODAY papers right at your face. The train jerks and the sharp heels of OLs pierces through your poor toes and at the arrival of a next stop, furious people squeeze their way through the maze of people in an angry yet resigned to fate "excuse me...".

Is not the transportation's fault, then could it be people or even social norms? Rat race indeed. On a very tired and late evening, I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green. An idiot couple who both are impatient fellows was standing behind me. Unable to wait any longer, they forcefully made their way through the crowd and hit my right shoulder without a single apology or bat of an eyelid. Serve them right cos' a car nearly honked them for negligent crossing. If you think that they are rushing for time..no they aren't, cos' they were strolling and hugging each other like some leech in a muddy swamp.

These make me think of life and my purpose as a human being in this universe. Of globalization and urbanization..of society and humanity. So sick of it indeed~

In the midst of this frustration, paying attention to the art scene help me distress. I think my dad is the typical Lao Gu Dong from Channel 8 Happy Family. I told him how my life would be like if I had enrolled in LaSalle, Raffles design institute or even SOTA..and like an irritating housefly he slammed me right at the spot (scold all you want lorh~). If you think I am an odd soul, I am not embarrassed to admit that I am one who enjoy listening to the unique concept of world or new age music. Because of its scarcity, it make records such as Pacific Moon even more precious

Had an awful stomach cramp yesterday with a couple of muscle aches. Horrible isn't it? I think my body is getting weaker and so I need to build up on my strength by exercising. I did the kundalina yoga few days ago and besides the body aches, I felt great and rejuvenated. Yoga really does help improve your breathing and body wellness.

As usual, I would be busier again. In the midst of those, I constantly try to understand the meaning of friendship and human nature. Ironic as it seems but by observing the characteristics and emotions of others, it reduces my stress level.

A motivational song for myself and you! (Enya - My favourite new age artiste). No matter what you're striving for or doing in life, may you find happiness in achieving them. Fight..fight..fight for..

It's only the first week and I am overwhelmed by the huge workload now and to come. Looking at my schedule, I don't think I am able to celebrate CNY since all my tests and assignments are due that week. But after CNY, my life seems better and I can take a whiff of fresh air.

You know, I gradually kind of detest urban life, especially in the city. I can't help but to think that I am living a human life just for the sake of it. When I was younger, I used to aspire being a zoologist or botanist. Even till now, this dream of mine hasn't being forgotten..it's just hidden somewhere and something which my parents don't like me to do.

My neighbour who is same age as me is living in Bali after her wedding next month. Previously, I ridiculed this idea of living in such an ulu place..especially since we are still young and have so much more to achieve in life. But now, it isn't an insane idea and one of sanity because at least you find balance and harmony there.

There are things that I yearned for and questions which are left unanswered even till now. Of habits and characteristic of others which I revolt. Deeply, I know these can't be changed. Sometimes, when you don't have a mentor beside you, you just have to accept differences of others and to learn to do things for yourself rather than to please or impress others.

Anyway, I watched Avatar with Ying Jie and Hanjuan and it was awesome and delightful! I think it's a perfect display of the incongruence between urban people and villagers. HJ was so sweet to give each of us a handmade gift. Muacks~

It's a new year and school is starting again. Last year, things and situations occurred unexpectedly. Some turned out better, while others took a bad turn. Obviously, of human nature I tend to be happy for good outcomes while I remain devastated over bad outcomes and responded negatively. I blamed everything and even myself. Why couldn't I achieve better..why couldn't I have done this and that?

It is not until I read one of my friend's blog that I realised that I should be thankful and grateful for what god has presented me with. Even in Buddhism, sufferings is due to attachment and attachment (desire, lust and greed) can be overcome. Constantly, I desire to be one of the elites..not even seeing where I am or even putting more effort. or patience. When things turn bad, I didn't even bother to reflect but crave for more. Even till now, it is difficult to think positively so I guess it takes time to cultivate a good mind.

So, here's my new resolutions/goals:

Better health
Family, friends and loved ones
Studies
Work + Money
Fit body by exercising and having a healthy diet