On the last day of 2012, I usually did a little practice with myself. Sit back and think of all the happenings for the year. Flashes of sad and happy encounters started appearing and I am thankful that I am still sitting in this room typing this blog post. I have survived all challenges and therefore, am one baby step stronger. Perhaps the pivot of 2012 was during the second half of the year, whereby I graduated and entered the workforce. It is easy to be caught up in the midst of work and routines such that I forget that I am suppose to constantly do personal development and apply my knowledge to work. Surprisingly, such knowledge is getting rusty. Time to take action. 

I am glad that I came across and read the book "Search Inside Yourself". I think it is necessary for me practice mindfulness given that I am living in a fast-paced environment and have a temper which will flare easily or being too attached to my emotions. A blog post also explains to readers on how finding ourselves through meditation will build our resilience. It succinctly wraps up the distinction between feeling about my feeling and being them (which I often do so). "You are not your thinking. You are the person watching your thinking. That little distinction is the difference between feeling your feelings and being them — and it's critically important. When you feel anger, you're in control of what you do next. When you are angry, you've lost control." 

Inc.com also shows 9 daily habits that can make oneself fee happier. A great start or resolution for the new year. 

#1 Start each day with expectation

#2 Take time to plan and prioritize

#3 Give a gift (word of thanks, encouragement, politeness) to everyone you meet

#4 Deflect partisan conversation

#5 Assume people have good intentions
#6 Eat high quality food slowly
#7 Let go of your results
#8 Turn off "background" TV
#9 End each day with gratitude

Looking back at 2012 resolution:

1. Study and Career - Career is still in progress
2. Financial Planning - Took the first step in managing my finances and still in progress
3. Family, Friends and Loved Ones - I think I done this well, except in love relationship
4. Tone my body (Achieving toned arms) - Bought exercise equipments, but require longer exercise regime
5. Being Closer with my Religion - Can do better!

For this year, I set few more resolution. Some an update of existing ones.

Career
Financial Planning for Personal and Family
Exercise More
Well-Balanced Lifestyle
Understand Love
Understand my Religion Better

Back from my first one-week business trip to Vietnam. I am still a fresh greenhorn in the corporate world. So much to learn from all my colleagues and top management people on how to interact and present myself professionally. In fact, I still act much like a student. The landscape there is pretty much of similar resemblance to other regions in Southeast Asia such as Bangkok. The people are generally friendly and soft-spoken. Somehow each time I returned from an oversea trip, I will have many thoughts. 

I visited the animal farm, harvested my crops and ate them fresh from the farm, and had occasional business conversations with the locals and some foreigners. The traffic there is, to my opinion, very congested. There was no proper traffic system and pollution was prevalent in the cities. People had to wear mask while riding their bikes. Crossing the road, to foreigners like me, can be quite a challenge. Sometimes, back at home, we adore order too much. I appreciate the government's effort in regulating such order in our society, especially the transport network. Yes, we often complain about the train breakdowns, packed trains and congested traffic during peak hours. But at least, traveling from place to place is often a breeze with the well-connected train networks and recent opening of the circle line. Crossing the road, even on a busy day, is safe due to the countless pedestrian crossings.

We do not own much natural resources in our homeland. As a result, I am often worried whether future generations, including myself, will miss out on what mother nature has to offer abundantly. It is quite a sad plight to see young kids glue to their electronic gadgets rather than enjoy the nature. While I laze, sip a warm cup of Vietnamese tea and enjoy the cool breeze in the farm, I realize how detached from nature I have become due to my constant living in a concrete jungle. At night, I explored the bay just opposite my hotel and was amazed at how beautiful it is as compared to our artificial waterways. I like how other parts of Southeast Asia have disorderly streets, bright neon lights and random shop houses emerging along the stoned pavements. Back at home, we are able to view the scenic developments at Esplanade and Marina Bay, but it is through this disorderliness that we see vibrancy and zest in life. It is an irony given that I am person who likes orderliness.

I read few news articles about locals' wish to be first in the Happiness Index (comparable to Bhutan's??) and an increasing number of our population living abroad. Living abroad, as reported, has its perks such as work-life balance and a less hostile/competitive society. I also watched 2 episodes of The Successors on CNA about 2 equally bright ladies from Philippines and Indonesia respectively who have the vision and bold spirit to advance their businesses.

(1) Higher Happiness Index (2) Living Abroad: Work-Life Balance (2) Feisty Ladies Who Succeed in Their Businesses. What do you see in these 3 points? Do you see a trade-off or there is not? It daunts upon me on what I want to see myself to be like in the many years to come. I admire how some women can carve a successful career and yet be equally committed/loving to their families and children. To me, in order to be a complete woman, is to have a compassionate heart, loving family and sensible kids. I believe these are sustainable options that will benefit society even till the day I died.

Things are getting odd lately. With the burning question of getting marry and having babies from so many people, it bears a hidden pressure and a standard reply of "I will when I have found my partner." 

If requirements on a male partner is a dependent variable on age, then a female's requirement on finding an ideal partner will tend to decline as age progresses. And with the worrying figures that many highly-qualified females are single even at the age of 30s and 40s, what promising picture does it paint on society? Am I demanding too much than what I can swallow?

I guess not much people know the exact situation of mine and to divulge it is rather a tad embarrassing. It does not help if your parents keep asking insensitive question as if to broadcast your sorrow openly. The truth is I am jealous that he seems to be doing fine even without me. Or maybe I think too much on the details and I am just being an obstinate and too conservative woman. For now, I could not agree more with this statement, "Be wise. Treat yourself, your mind, sympathetically, with loving kindness. If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others." You see..negative thoughts and being too dependent on others are killers and being unattached can also be happy too. For who is to be blamed for mistakes made thrice? Go to the beach, go do some exercise, go and open your social circle, go get some life..you silly girl.

Settling down with my next phase of life. Life after graduation is challenging yet similarly fulfilling (asides from the fact that I need to wake up freaking early every week day). Apart from my interests, I have to learn to work on things that are beyond my usual scope of work and some involve immense amount of responsibilities and the need for meticulousness. 

A quick check on my blog page view shows that I have top readers from US!! Surprisingly unrealistic given that I am based in SE Asia. So glad that I have overseas page views too.
 

And so I officially miss school. I asked most of my friends on whether they felt the same as I do, but they gave me the matter-of-fact answer that they will not. I believe in my four years of education in a city campus with all the vibrant city life, going to school is sometimes not that boring. Entering this school was also one of my most difficult decision given that it was an unconventional route for me. There were many ups and downs and struggles, but I did not want to gave up. Friends here basically fall into two categories: Superficial and genuine. Of course, I only remember the best memories I had here. Inspirational classmates/friends and professors whom I have met and taught me some of the more important lessons in life.

Now it is time to embark on the next phase of life. Looking back, I realized how much everyone around me has grown up and changed. I do not think learning shall cease upon this journey. Instead of learning in the context of a classroom setting, every day brings the most opportunities of self-discovery and eventually shaping who I am.

Recently, I had to make some decisions. Those kinds that are tough nuts to crack. I told myself that I wanted a utilitarian approach. Some are settled but there is still one which bothers me much. Then I chanced upon a book while walking aimlessly in a shopping mall. A book titled "Search Inside Yourself" by a fellow Singaporean who works in Google. He calls himself the jolly good fellow and offers insights into Google program of increasing productivity, creativity and happiness. I am still in the course of reading this wonderful book and what I enjoy most is his simple approach to meditation and mindfulness. The power of it is boundless and I believe it will help set the direction of riding against negative emotions.

I think this is the exact moment of time when patience and optimism are required. Nobody, including myself, has a clue on when the waiting game is going to end and it is the fear that it will take longer than expected. Comparison with peers is a matter of fact and it is the awkward moment of saying that you are still leading a sort of "vagrant or loafer" life. Nobody likes being a loafer and will want to accomplish or at least, have a sense of achievement. Of course, the options are always open and to persevere. That is something which I have to constantly drill in my mind. It is during difficult time when my mind needs to be strong in order to dispel all negative feelings.

During my free time..being watching a few good rented movie to prevent my mind from wandering too far. One is The Lady and the other is A Simple Life. Both are based on true recounts of people.

The Lady describes the inspirational story of Aung San Suu Kyi and her husband, Michael Aris. Suu wanted to have a peaceful quest to lead the democracy movement of Myanmar (Burma) but was met with endless ordeals and long separations with her husband and two sons. When her husband was in his deathbed, Suu was faced with the dilemma of staying put in Burma or returning to London and barred from entering to Burma. After years of house arrest by the military regime at Yangon (Rangoon), she is finally liberated and able to receive her long-waited Nobel peace prize of 1991 at Oslo and be reunited with her sons. The film may lack the depth of depicting this female protagonist in all her political movement, but it has demonstrated the true courageous and respectable spirit of Aung San Suu Kyi.

Some of her famous quotes include "You may not think about politics, but politics think about you", "We shall not respond with violence under any circumstances" and " Please use your liberty to promote ours." 

A Simple Life describes the story of Chung Chun Tao a house maid to the Leung family in Hong Kong and who served Roger, the young master of the Leung's. As her health deteriorated, she was unable to work anymore and opted to stay in the old age home. However, that did not deter Roger from visiting her. As their relationship grew deeper into a bond of Mother and Son, Roger had to deal with the fact that Tao will soon be leaving him and how much she actually means to him. In life, there is always the cycle of birth and death..of birth, old age, sickness and death. How do we deal with it or even expect to treat our parents when they are old? Subsequently, we will all be old one day. 

I am learning how to breathe slowly. Recently, I have noticed how my breathing patterns change as my mood fluctuates. Been enjoying traveling experiences with friends over this month and I am falling in love with it. If I could add one best thing as my hobby/interest and it will be traveling. It is during traveling where my heart seems sedated and my breathing returns to normal.

There are many things that are caught up in my mind lately. Hiccups, mistakes, etc. In addition to these woes is the LDR which is taking a toll on me. Both of us are dominating creatures and he refuses to admit or bow lower unless he thinks it is his mistakes. Sometimes he unintentionally speaks harshly and hurts my pride or ego. As a Leo, I have to admit that I am quite prideful although I usually do not exposed it much and I act too independently such that he feels insecure. Being a little superstitious, my aunt told me bluntly that he is an imperfect match according to our Chinese horoscope, or what she calls a "power struggle of two hot-headed creatures". I do want to give up on this yet and he knows for sure that I will never be the "feminine or household woman" that he mistakenly saw in me through first impression, rather I am, to his displeasure, quite a fiery iron-fist woman (野蛮女人).

Unknowingly, in love relationship, the ride for me is bumpy. I never openly admitted to that previously, but I guess at this grand old age of mine it is nothing to be afraid of confessing. I miss the boats twice or maybe thrice and pick myself up each time it does not work. Unashamedly, I am also envious of the sweet relationships among my friends (some of them already engaged) and long for a day where I can make traveling plans with my love. Is these all hard fate or just a ordeal from above to make me stronger? With a positive mentality, I am sure I am able to deal with it. I just need the courage.

Battle hymns of the dragon lady?

Is been quite some time since I visited blogger and realized that the layout has changed a fair bit. Just returned from my 1 week Bali trip and it is indeed a land of paradise. It was such a sunny island and the artifacts and architecture of the landmarks are so ancient and magnificent. People who have watched the movie Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts will have agreed on the traditional feel and beautiful scenery around Bali, especially the sea and beaches! 

It was great companionship with all my friends and I felt myself rejuvenated amongst the nature. Seeing, feeling, smelling and even hearing nature! While most of my friends are mainly shopping types, I am more of an adventurous and sightseeing type. I can spend hours snapping photos, admiring the fine stone sculptures and getting my hands dirty. Although the Balinese are not the most friendly people, I have to agree that they are seriously good in arts and food. While I sat on the car buzzing along the streets, I witnessed stretches of Hindu and Buddhist deities stone and lave sculptures in shades of white, grey and black. I learn some interesting facts of the culture, demographics and basic etiquette of Bali from our local driver/guide. For example, most people in Bali are Hinduism, there are no buses or trains in Bali so locals usually travel by motorbikes, scooters, cars or bicycles, do not enter temple if you are menstruating or have bleeding wounds, and do not step on the canang sari (morning offerings that include palm leaf, flowers, herbs and incense stick to the gods) as it offensive to the locals.

The most exhilarating or perhaps near-death experience was the water sports activity in Nusa Dua Beach, near Kuta Bali. I had my monthly you-know-what (heavy flow) and was not in my best shape that day. Yet, the beautiful beach was beckoning me to stop hesitating and join in the fun for all activities, including para-sailing, jet ski, donut, banana boat and fly fish. First, it was the jet-ski. Initially, I was little apprehensive about the speed of the motor jet and my driver was a mad fellow who made sharp turns. But I grew to love the excitement and told him to drive at full speed and make more turns and bends. Turns out that he fell from the jet and I was the wettest among my friends. Next, was the banana boat. The driver, perhaps assuming I am a thrill-seeker, made the biggest/craziest blow to our boat by jumping and flipping it over. We sank really deep into the sea. I almost drowned as my life vest was little faulty and the waves were huge, but the driver managed to pull me up the boat. It is no joke and I have to thank Amitabha for hearing my prayers and saving me since all of my friends also had quite a mouthful of salty sea water. My Bali tour agency friend told me that the best beach with clearest/turquoise water to visit, be romantic and scuba-dive is the Padang Padang beach. Bali has one of the biggest and nicest waves suitable for surfing.

While trekking up Mount Bedugul to visit Gitgit waterfall, located at 300 meters above sea level, everyone had rough encounters with chest tightness (probably due to high altitude) and mozzies bite. Being a little adventurous, I attempted to climb over the slippery rocks and soaked my tired feet into the rapids. Unbeknownst to me, the sole of my slippers had already wore out and I slipped twice. The scariest thing was the leeches lingering in the still water that wanted to feed on my blood.

When I returned back home, it was a cruel shock of reality. Faced with the transition stage of seeking a stable career and supporting my family, I had few arguments with my dad over money issues. It was a scene of intimate strangers. Kind of a contradictory term but we were not talking to each other for few days despite living under the same roof. It was also the first time in which I was greatly disappointed with them. But reflecting on it and after talking to my godsis, it is just my insecurity and stress over this transition stage of unknown outcome. 

Things are not going smoothly these days and I feel myself being entrapped in a never-ending maze. No matter how hard I have tried or thought I have tried, the outcomes are just disappointing.

I wish he or they could have understand more, but it seems that it does not matter now. It is sometimes just too daunting clarifying or explaining yourself while the other parties are just clueless or in doubts. The worst is when you burst into a fitful anger and only later realize that you are the greatest sufferer of your own negative mood.

I guess everyone has their own definitions of "dreadful" experience, but there are basically two clear options. Sit at one corner and continue moaning or pick yourself up (no matter how bad in shape you are) and adapt or change. Because the ultimate controller of my life is none other than myself.

Not sure whether you are aware of Charlie Chaplin's instrumental soundtrack for the 1936 movie - Modern Times, which was later rewrote with lyrics for the song title "Smile". Smile was then later used as a tribute song to Michael Jackson. The song strikes a chord with me in terms of similar sentiments towards life and gives me motivation to smile even when I am so tired. "Smile even though your heart is aching. If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you will see the sun come shining through. Light up your face with gladness..you will find that life is worthwhile."

I miss HK so much and have the urge to return to my school campus where I am greeted with the nature every morning and the cooling breeze at night. If people say nature is the best medicine for healing purposes, I will definitely agree.

Although it was just a mere few months of residing at the dormitory of New Asia college, this video brings back much fond memories.




" 暮春三月，是花開的季節，是離別的季節。每年到了這些天，同學披上畢業袍、拋起四方帽，一面迎向未知的未來，卻又難忘在此間度過的幾個寒暑，難捨那曾經以為不老的青春。

成長總有起伏，離別何必感傷，這麼美好的校園，如此美好的時光，在花開花落之間，在各奔前程以前，讓我們珍惜還能一起切磋思想，砥礪人生的機會，多聽幾場精采的演講，讓我 們為中大，唸一首詩，寫一幅字，拍一張照片，紀念這段青蔥歲月。"

只缘身在此山中
有时我梦见校园
那些思想的盛宴
那些载满回忆的角落
那些穿梭山上山下的岁月
奔向未来之前
珍重、珍惜
美好的时光

Because I myself am in the mountains
Sometimes I dream of the campus
Those "feast" of ideas
Those campus corners that are loaded with memories
Those years of shuttling up and down the mountains
Before embarking on my future
Treasure and cherish..
Good times here

A hectic recess week has just gone by. Wait a minute..did I call it a recess week? I think I have been traveling to school almost every day and the only benefit I ever get is that I get to sleep slightly later than my usual morning class. I thought I could catch a few movies or so, but it turns out that I only manage to watch one. Oh well, better than none.

What has society turned us to? A bunch of cold blooded animals? Caring for our own turfs as part of the survivor's game. It is sad to see such sights and plights. Some friends posted this quote on fb, "Those who are heartless once cared too much." On the surface, it may seem almost agreeable that people get hurt in the process when the other party does not reciprocate. But is that what we really want? To act on reciprocity as part of the capitalistic society? Should we stop caring when the other party does not receive it too well..or should we be compassionate and understand that everyone also wants be happier than where they are now? Perhaps a line can be drawn between when a person should selflessly help or care someone and when to be aware that you are not being used or treated as a fool.

Money can buy us happiness. Money is not the root to all evil. But we need to understand that money will never be sufficient or a measurable to happiness if we are constantly unsatisfied with where we are now. How I yearn for a day where I can just simply go on backpack trips and discover the real purpose of life without the "mind pollution" that I faced. But on a more realistic goal, to learn from the wise or Venerable ones.

It is the end of the first week of school. Many more readings to catch up on as compare to other semester as I am taking up the more intensive thinking courses. Other than that, using some of my free time searching for jobs through my school portal and looking up for career talks session. Feel so much like procrastinating but the gloomy economic outlook does not signal anything positive either.

Is finding someone who has a sincere heart that makes you feel secure that difficult? While you are the over-achieving one who has many aspiring plans in life and at overseas, I just want someone who leads a simple and less over-complicated life.

My friend posted this MV quite some ago on FB and I really think it is a well created MV that connects well with the song and lyrics. Liang Wen Yin's I am not that courageous as you think. 梁文音 (我不是你想像那么勇敢). Click to watch.


In a life's journey, we will sometimes lose part of ourselves or an object along the way. If I had lost courage and strong will in life, can I find it at the Lost and Found information counter?

听了田馥甄所唱的歌，心里有好多感触。过了那么多年，我最终还是真心真意要你过得幸福。所有错误从我这里落幕，而我会把与你度过的每一片美好回忆永恒惦记在心里。谢谢你让我感受到被爱的甜蜜滋味，谢谢你爱过了我。

Watched this animated dvd movie that comes free from a magazine subscription. It brings me closer to Buddha and his life story. An inspiring story of one of the greatest teachers in history which is filled with compassion and wisdom. The Buddha, directed by Krismant Wattananarong.

My final holiday break is about to end soon. It will be my last long holiday before entering the workforce.

Spent the last day of 2011 with my godsis and her family. Playing with her 2-years old daughter made me so happy and I just wanted to provide her with everything within my means. It also made me ponder on whether I will want to start a family and take up the responsibilities of being a mother and a wife. After dinner near Chomp Chomp area, I headed for countdown with a bottle of white wine and great view overlooking the harbor.

Sometimes, I think I am too much of a freedom-seeker that I detest being tied down by anyone. I want to do things and explore places without informing anybody and at my own free will. I guess nobody can ever pull the reins over me and if he or she is able to do so one day, this person must have captured my heart. So, the question is whether over the years to come, I will want to step into a relationship?

At times, even I myself am afraid of who I am. Not that there is any existence of DID, but when I choose to seek freedom or independence, I will want to be isolated from the rest and choose to disappear from the stifling crowd.

Over the previous year, I did stuffs that I previously had no courage of doing. While there are usual up-and-down, every year is a time to learn and gain new experiences and knowledge. For this year, I set aside resolutions as I take the bolder step to transition from a student to being a potential OL.

Study and Career
Financial Planning
Family, Friends and Loved Ones
Tone my body (Achieving toned arms)
Being Closer with my Religion

Nom nom mum mum..eating my bowl of strawberries



Tech-savvy! Touch screen to the max. Future career women in the making.