I think this is the exact moment of time when patience and optimism are required. Nobody, including myself, has a clue on when the waiting game is going to end and it is the fear that it will take longer than expected. Comparison with peers is a matter of fact and it is the awkward moment of saying that you are still leading a sort of "vagrant or loafer" life. Nobody likes being a loafer and will want to accomplish or at least, have a sense of achievement. Of course, the options are always open and to persevere. That is something which I have to constantly drill in my mind. It is during difficult time when my mind needs to be strong in order to dispel all negative feelings.

During my free time..being watching a few good rented movie to prevent my mind from wandering too far. One is The Lady and the other is A Simple Life. Both are based on true recounts of people.

The Lady describes the inspirational story of Aung San Suu Kyi and her husband, Michael Aris. Suu wanted to have a peaceful quest to lead the democracy movement of Myanmar (Burma) but was met with endless ordeals and long separations with her husband and two sons. When her husband was in his deathbed, Suu was faced with the dilemma of staying put in Burma or returning to London and barred from entering to Burma. After years of house arrest by the military regime at Yangon (Rangoon), she is finally liberated and able to receive her long-waited Nobel peace prize of 1991 at Oslo and be reunited with her sons. The film may lack the depth of depicting this female protagonist in all her political movement, but it has demonstrated the true courageous and respectable spirit of Aung San Suu Kyi.

Some of her famous quotes include "You may not think about politics, but politics think about you", "We shall not respond with violence under any circumstances" and " Please use your liberty to promote ours." 

A Simple Life describes the story of Chung Chun Tao a house maid to the Leung family in Hong Kong and who served Roger, the young master of the Leung's. As her health deteriorated, she was unable to work anymore and opted to stay in the old age home. However, that did not deter Roger from visiting her. As their relationship grew deeper into a bond of Mother and Son, Roger had to deal with the fact that Tao will soon be leaving him and how much she actually means to him. In life, there is always the cycle of birth and death..of birth, old age, sickness and death. How do we deal with it or even expect to treat our parents when they are old? Subsequently, we will all be old one day. 

I am learning how to breathe slowly. Recently, I have noticed how my breathing patterns change as my mood fluctuates. Been enjoying traveling experiences with friends over this month and I am falling in love with it. If I could add one best thing as my hobby/interest and it will be traveling. It is during traveling where my heart seems sedated and my breathing returns to normal.

There are many things that are caught up in my mind lately. Hiccups, mistakes, etc. In addition to these woes is the LDR which is taking a toll on me. Both of us are dominating creatures and he refuses to admit or bow lower unless he thinks it is his mistakes. Sometimes he unintentionally speaks harshly and hurts my pride or ego. As a Leo, I have to admit that I am quite prideful although I usually do not exposed it much and I act too independently such that he feels insecure. Being a little superstitious, my aunt told me bluntly that he is an imperfect match according to our Chinese horoscope, or what she calls a "power struggle of two hot-headed creatures". I do want to give up on this yet and he knows for sure that I will never be the "feminine or household woman" that he mistakenly saw in me through first impression, rather I am, to his displeasure, quite a fiery iron-fist woman (野蛮女人).

Unknowingly, in love relationship, the ride for me is bumpy. I never openly admitted to that previously, but I guess at this grand old age of mine it is nothing to be afraid of confessing. I miss the boats twice or maybe thrice and pick myself up each time it does not work. Unashamedly, I am also envious of the sweet relationships among my friends (some of them already engaged) and long for a day where I can make traveling plans with my love. Is these all hard fate or just a ordeal from above to make me stronger? With a positive mentality, I am sure I am able to deal with it. I just need the courage.

Battle hymns of the dragon lady?