When a rubber band is being stretched, how much can it be stretched and when would it eventually snap? But the problem now is not about preventing it from snapping but more about stretching it more and at the same time ensuring it doesn't snap. There's this thing which I keep hearing from others, "It's not about trying to adapt but forcing yourself to adapt. You MUST adapt. The strongest will survive. That's the culture here." A survivor game, something you may ponder or question on. I was shagged by friday that I am slacking now.

Few weeks have past and I have yet to participate actively in class. I know I should listen and analyse how the rest ask questions and provide answers. But it has been weeks and if I don't make my first squeak, I will not catch up and my participation marks will dwindle to a terrible pitfall. Alright, I manage to participate on monday but it was a flop case..but at least I try to. Each time I listen to those jc ppl (not stereotyping, but it's a fact) or law student providing superb answer and intelligent questions and the prof praising them, I feel that I gotta squeak at least, but my mind just couldn't think and my tongue was tied.

Econs lesson is the CHUI one. No notes or tut, just plain discussion through out and reading discussion paper or journal. Prof assigned us grp mates and I landed myself with 3 guys. They were super enthu and serious can..they discussed like some economist/cabinet members/parliament talk. The topic was on GDP, threshold and ISEW. It's alr a dry and serious topic and the way they discussed..it was like a heated argument. Then there's an Indian guy who presented his analysis on the topic by drawing graphs. I was whoosh~ by his analysis..brilliant guy! Could you imagine how famished I was after that lesson, I exercised my brain cells like never before. Or perhaps my brain is rusty.

Lotsa self-reading, critical thinking and essays to write. I feel myself studying English now. I miss my Engineering equations, diagrams and mass balance. Just let me see PFD or P&ID and I would be so happy. Why am I choosing this and why am I here? aRRgh

The only highlight this week was the freshmen bash at zouk on thursday and the Jap Cultural Meeting on friday. The zouk thingy was not that fun, I just entertained myself with cranberry vodka..some people were boozing on dunno how many jugs of liquor and shots. It seems like a culture to drink exceSSively here. I left early as the mood wasn't right. Nihon-go, the only thing that interests me for now. Some seniors were friendly there though, at least I don't find myself entering another battlefield.

I should stop comparing by abilities with that of others. Competition spur me so. Suddenly I form my own encouraging words..some birds fly higher then the other birds. They soar in the sky while the rest are just beginning to flap their wings. But eventually all the birds will fly.

The start of week gives me the blue
A competitive environment that frightens me
Till I have the urge to visit the loo
I sit in class without a clue
Hands waving and popping up continuously
The passion of participation reflected in them
While I listen blankly
At the end of a day
I know oh damn..
I have to study smartly
Somehow effort will pay

Stress Tired Lost Depressed. I will not go on with a long complaint list of my current life. It's fairly understood among each and everyone of us. Four years..if I weigh the marginal benefit and cost of these years of life with that of another life I would rather prefer, years of bitterness will eventually reap the sweetest fruits. Something I hope of and tears of utmost joy if I can foresee success. May God be with me.

Met up with Jasper and some poly pals for his post birthday. Thank you for been there for me and sharing my burden. Even how tired I was that day, it was worth it. I watched Legally Blonde as suggested and knew what message you were trying to infer. FAITH.

School is officially starting next week. I feel a sense of dreadfulness and unexplainable excitement which I have never experienced before. I do not know how I manage to survive working in different office environment both at pandan gardens and raffles. But this time round, I know I have to survive four years and it's the adapting to new environment part which is tough. I have been too complacent and immature in my thoughts and feelings that I didn't see the need to anticipate such issues and challenges. Nothing is easy for the start and if others can do it without so much qualms as me then the more I should tap on my inner energy and strengths.

Just like some of them said..step out of our comfort zone. Over the past few months I have been so busy preparing for schools stuffs and meeting up with long lost pals that I do not have enough time for myself. I feel that I didn't have enough rest yet and all of a sudden time past extremely fast and here I am. Time seriously slips like fine sand and flies without noticing.

And my birthday just past. Thanks all my friends for remembering it and poly mates who organised the event. Received lotsa presents and I felt like a small kid receiving gifts from santa claus. Such warmth and exhiliration. I was late for the event..not giving excuses but just that the school stuff ended later than I expected. I will work hard and make full use of the school fees that my parents paid. It's no small sum too. Of cuz I will get you your gucci bag which you wanted..after four years and when I get my first official pay.

Went for acad briefing on monday early in the morning. 2 of my friends were saying how streamlined the admin manager's body was but he really ressembled our lecturer..Mr Phua. Then attended lessons at BBDC and was the lab rat for the air-bag test. I was super shocked and alarmed can! None of the gals wanted to do so and the instructor juz asked me to volunteer for this activity. I really regretted learning so late cuz when school starts I don't even know how to plan my schedule with all the project and stuffs. Should have done so when I was in Poly. If only and only if.

Met with camp's group mates for lunch on tuesday to discuss on the bidding. Not all turned up but those who were impt and in the same grp as me did turn up..so it doesn't matter. Discussed whole night till wee hours on msn on what courses to bid for. Since I am not that smart and capable, I didn't bother to bid for statistics or else I would have 5 exams..perhaps I should allocate some time to adjust to life there first.

Bidding is scary, really very tiring and scary. I would be in a class filled with strangers and still have to speak up. This alone sums up my trepidation and fear. But some comfort is that I would attend lessons on the first day with someone I know cuz we managed to bid what we wanted safely without using too much e-dollars. Sometimes I do wish to have another person by my side and to feel all the warmth and comfort at such critical moment.

Did my community service with P1 and P2 kids and they are all super adorable. Awww, how I wished I could be a primary or sec school kid again and celebrate National Day, Teachers' Day etc. It's fun and those were the happier days of my childhood. Some of them were awfully cheeky and I shouted till my throat was dry and husky. But overall, they are CUTE. Maybe I should be a nanny or kindergarten teacher when I retired one day.

Had dinner and movie on 8 august, auspicious date. Nice dinner at Sakae Teppanyaki but rather ex. Watch Money No Enough 2 and it was a nice local production by Jack Neo. Touching film and I think the mother and Ah Hui (Henry Thia) were wonderful casts. Although some ideas he used in the film were skeptical but overall still a worth watching light hearted family-movie.

Guan Yin Mama, please give me the strength and power to carry on with life. May the force be with me.

Lastly, some piccies from the camp.

First lunch

Being carried dangerously

They fed me poison and I foamed

Look at the back.. CMI faces



Briefing before rafting out to sea. The guys commented that our instrutor looks like those soldiers during Jap Occupation.


Testing 123 for our life jacket

Out to sea

The first few to come out from the tunnel. Dark and gross inside.